


Dangerous Illusion

by OtakuGirl11324



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 10 Year Difference, Age Difference, Body Worship, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel's family isn't full of assholes, College Student Castiel (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Drug Use, Explicit Sexual Content, Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Happy Ending, I'm tagging everything just to be safe, Jealous Castiel (Supernatural), Jealous Dean Winchester, Lots of blushing, M/M, Murder, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Older Dean Winchester, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Possessive Dean Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Serial Killer Dean Winchester, Serial Killer Sam Winchester, Smoking, Tattooed Dean Winchester, Virgin Castiel (Supernatural), Younger Castiel (Supernatural), in his own way, in its own way
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-08-20 08:02:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20224522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtakuGirl11324/pseuds/OtakuGirl11324
Summary: Nothing exciting ever happens to Castiel. To his brothers, exciting things seem to swarm them, but never him. Then something happens that sends everything spiraling upside down. When he wished for something exciting to happen, he hadn’t meant this.Castiel can practically hear Gabriel howling with laughter, always the one to crack a joke at the most inappropriate of times, and singing, “Careful what you wish for, it might bite you in the ass.”Castiel can’t help but agree this time.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If any of you read Extra! Extra! Read All About It!! I apologize for not updating, but I needed a break. Therefore, the DCBB happened and now this (I'll get back to it, I swear!). I'm really unsure about this story so you guys are gonna have to tell me if you like the idea and want me to continue. This is just a short chapter to introduce the story and see if anyone wants to read it. That being said, buckle up you guys, this is gonna be a dark one! All warnings are in the tags so please be sure to read those first if you haven’t already. If you have any concerns, feel free to message me here on tumblr or on this story. 
> 
> This is unbetad so if you see mistakes, please tell me and I’ll make sure to correct them :)
> 
> I’m writing this as I get time, so please be patient with me. I’ll try getting a chapter out as quickly as I can, but I don’t wanna rush quality for quantity, y’know? I hope you enjoy this and happy reading!

Castiel grimaces at his surroundings. Sweaty bodies pushing and grinding and touching each other, dancing together. Spilled alcohol from unsteady individuals. And, of course, the drugs. So many drugs. There are people snorting lines of coke off tables. Others are smoking a joint, smoke swirling in the air around everyone’s heads in wisps. 

He mindfully sips his soda as he sits at the bar in the club. This isn’t his usual setting and it makes him feel uncomfortable. Behind him, he scans the crowd. Gabriel is out there somewhere. Most likely drinking tequila from a stripper’s belly-button. It’s his birthday, so Castiel will let him have his fun. 

Not too much though, he doesn’t want a repeat of last year. He’ll stop Gabriel and Balthazar before anything drastic happens. He wasn’t old enough to accompany the two to Gabriel’s birthday last year since he was only 20. 

Just having turned 21, this is all very new to him. He didn’t even get drunk on his 21st birthday. It’s a good thing he doesn’t care for alcohol because today he’s his brothers’ designated driver. 

In a crowd, Castiel sees Balthazar cheering about something. There’s a beautiful woman on his arm. Something tells him that he doesn’t want to know what he’s cheering about. He’ll probably hear about it when he’s taking them home tonight anyway. 

His phone buzzes in his pocket. Pulling it out, he sees it’s from Michael. Castiel assumes he’s worrying again.

**From: Michael [Feb. 15th, 11:23 p.m.]**

**Don’t let our brothers get arrested this year. Luke and I agreed that we won’t be bailing them out again.**

Castiel offers a private smile at his oldest brother’s words. Luke was more than likely complaining about last year’s unfortunate mishap for Michael to send him this text to put Lucifer at ease. Michael had told Castiel before he left with their brothers that he had complete faith in him to keep them out of trouble. Castiel wasn’t there last year and Michael and Luke were too busy to, in Luke’s words, ‘Babysitting the buffoons.’ 

Cas types out a quick response to put his brother’s mind at ease.

**To: Michael [Feb. 15th, 11:24 p.m.]**

**I assure you, the only way I will allow them to get arrested is if I’ve been detained**

**From: Michael [Feb. 15th, 11:25 p.m.]**

**Rest assured, if that comes to pass, Luke and I will save you, but the other’s are on their own.**

He then, almost as an afterthought, adds:

**From: Michael [Feb. 15th 11:25 p.m.]**

**Don’t let them pressure you into making stupid decisions. Be safe on the ride home, the roads are icy.**

Castiel’s smile widens at his brother’s concern. He’s always been a worrier, but it’s only gotten worse ever since he’s become an agent for the FBI.

**To: Michael [Feb. 15th 11:26 p.m.]**

**When have I ever been so easily swayed? I’ll message you when I’ve gotten them both home safe.**

After that, he pockets his phone. Not long after that a, highly inebriated, woman stumbles up to him and leans on him with a hazy, lascivious (or he assumes it’s meant to be lascivious) smile.

Her words are slurred, but he thinks she says, “What’s a pretty little thing like you doing here all alone?” 

Castiel rigidly tries scooting away from her, as far as his stool allows. “I’m not alone. I’m here with someone.” 

In her drunken state, she takes his scooting away as a sign that he moved for her to share his seat. She practically falls right into his lap and clutches at him like a leech. He stiffens and she wraps an arm around his shoulders, leaning in closely. Her mouth is so close to his ear it sends an unpleasant chill down his spine. 

“How about we get out of here?” She whispers, her hot breath ghosting over his ear, making him shiver. He fruitlessly tries edging further away, but her grip is strong for an intoxicated woman.

“I really am here with somebody, I’m sorry.” He keeps his voice steady and slow, in hopes it will sink into her alcohol-soaked brain. It doesn’t. 

“Such pretty eyes.” She hums as if pleased with herself. Her dark eyes drop to his lips and her smile turns predatory. “Plush lips too. You know, you’re the most beautiful man I’ve laid my eyes on.” She lowers her voice to, what’s supposed to be, a whisper, but since she’s so drunk, it comes out much louder than she intended. “I bet everything you have a pert little ass too. You’d look beautiful as I peg you.” 

That’s it. He can’t tolerate this anymore. Castiel practically falls out of his stool and stumbles back, “I’m really not- that’s not-” His voice trails off. Not feeling comfortable, he takes another step back, but he’s stopped. An arm wraps around his waist gently, yet edging at possessive, pulling Castiel snuggly into a warm, solid wall of muscle. 

His eyes snap up to the man holding him to his side. Looking at him from this angle, Castiel can tell he’s absolutely gorgeous. He’s about three or so inches taller than himself. He has a strong jaw and a striking profile. His skin is slightly tanned and there's a smattering of freckles. His eyes are hard, glaring daggers at the woman still teetering precariously on the stool. The man turns his face down to Castiel and his breath catches in his throat. Beautiful green eyes soften when he meets his eyes. A gentle smile touches his plush lips.

“Hey, sweetheart. Sorry I’m so late. Sam wouldn’t shut up, you know how he is.” The man gives him a light-hearted chuckle. It warms Castiel and his chest flutters. He feels a grateful smile tug at his lips when he realizes the man is trying to help him. Cas finds himself leaning further into the man’s embrace. He’s gotta sell it, right? When he does this, the man’s hold tightens and butterflies erupt in Castiel’s stomach. A moment later, he whispers, “Don’t worry, I’ve got you.” and Cas feels unexplainably relaxed by that.

When the man sees him smile, his smile broadens so he’s flashing straight, white teeth at him. It lasts a couple of seconds before he turns a poisonous glare back at the drunken woman. “So what is it you wanted with my boyfriend?” He lowers his voice and smiles dangerously. “Because I’m sure my ears misheard what you said a moment ago.” 

Another chill trickles down his spine, only it isn’t like last time. This one is all arousal. It really shouldn’t be so hot to have his man, a complete stranger, staking his claim of Castiel to the woman. He doesn’t really belong to the man, but if Castiel were being honest, he’s always kind of liked a bit of possessiveness in his boyfriends to a certain degree. It makes him feel desired, and liking the trait blossomed from there.

The woman who’s libido had practically been drooling all over him, mumbles unintelligently while righting herself off the stool that sounds something along the lines of “Sharing is caring.” and then another mumble of “Possessive bastard.”

When she’s finally out of sight, Castiel feels like he can breathe again. Glancing up, he sees the man still glaring in her direction. Which, okay, is a little weird, but Castiel can ignore it since the man just saved him from getting frisked.

“Thank you for helping me.” Castiel starts the man out of his thoughts. He looks down at Castiel and smiles again seeing his beyond thankful expression.

“It was my pleasure.” He winks at Castiel playfully and it has a blush rising without warning to Castiel’s cheeks. Quickly, he tries to look away to hide the flush, but the boisterous laugh from the man indicates he didn’t hide it fast enough. It only makes his face heat up more.

“Ah, damn,” The man sighs blissfully, still chuckling slightly, his hand squeezing Castiel’s hip before finally retracting his arm. Castiel hadn’t even realized it had still been around him. When he pulls it back to his side, his hand gently brushes along the small of his back. “That’s too cute.”

Castiel narrows his eyes at him, but there is no real heat behind it, his face is still burning.

“You gotta stop that, man.” He teases playfully. “I can only handle so much cute before I have to take you home.” That doesn’t help his predicament at all. If he doesn’t knock it off soon, Castiel is going to burst into flames and die of embarrassment. He’s never been so thoroughly affected by someone like this.

“Now you’re just teasing me.” Castiel narrows his eyes trying to sound upset.

“Ah, hey, don’t pout, it was cute is all.” The man tries getting in Castiel’s line of sight looking pleading, yet still amused. “How about I buy you another soda?” At Castiel’s skeptical quirk of his brow, the man clarifies. “To make up for teasing you. I’ll be good.” He holds up three fingers with a wicked grin. “Scouts honor.”

“Something tells me you were never a scout,” Castiel mutters, eyeing him. “ but fine. I’m going to find a booth though. I’m sick of the bar.”

“Fine by me.” He beams. “I’ll find you.”

It’s only moments later that Castiel finds a free booth and the man joins him with two drinks. Castiel smiles softly as he takes his with a quiet “Thank you” and sips it.

“I’m Dean, by the way.” Dean begins. Castiel looks up from his can of soda. “Figured it would be polite to introduce myself after acting like a possessive boyfriend and all.” 

Cas doesn’t stop the grin. “You really were kind of possessive, weren’t you.” He ends it as a statement to show he’s agreeing, but his tone is teasing.

For the first time, Dean looks uncertain and like a kicked puppy. Castiel wonders if he took it too far. “Was, uh … was it too much? I know a lot of people hate that kind of stuff, but you looked really uncomfortable and I kinda acted before thinking. Sorry if it-”

“No,” Castiel cuts him off, taking sympathy in his nervous rambling. Dean’s eyes snap up to Castiel’s with much more intensity than before. “No, I didn’t- I don’t mind. Really, it’s okay.”

Dean’s shoulders slump in relief, and soon his cocky attitude is back. “So, you got a thing for possessive boyfriends?” Dean waggles his brows.

“It’s not like that.” He narrows his eyes and points a finger at him. “You said you were going to behave.” 

“I am behaving, it’s an honest question.”

Cas ignores Dean faux innocence and instead says, “My name is Castiel.”

Dean’s whole demeanor lights up and he beams at him. “Castiel, huh? It’s oddly fitting for you.” Dean leans forward, elbows on the table and looking eager. “So, Cas, what brings you here? No offense, but this doesn’t look like your usual habitat.”

Castiel grimaces and sips his soda, shaking his head. “It’s not. I’m only here to be my brothers’ DD. Also to keep them from getting arrested on his birthday again.”

“Again?” Dean howls with laughter, mirth in his eyes and the butterflies are back in full force in Castiel’s stomach. “I have to hear this story. Where is he? He’s here, right?” Dean’s head bobs too and fro to see if he can see the men in question.

Castiel looks into the crowd. “Yes, they’re both here.” But, of course, he doesn’t see them anywhere. “I don’t know where, though. I can show you a picture if you’d like?”

Dean turns back with a nod. Castiel pulls out his phone and scrolls through his photos, trying to find a decent photo of Gabriel and Balthazar. It's difficult since they rarely act serious. The only one he can find is the photo of all his siblings.

Michael, Luke, Gabriel, Balthazar, and Castiel are all crowded close together. The only reason those two stood still long enough for this to be taken was because Michael threatened them with his taser. He never would have actually used it, but the threat was clear. Lucifer, on the other hand, would have used it on them gleefully for making him suffer through their bullshit for so long.

Although, even with that threat hanging over their heads, they still got Castiel in a headlock as soon as the camera snapped. Michael looks exasperated, Castiel himself looks surprised, Luke’s eye is twitching while he forces a smile and Michael’s hand is on his elbow to restrain him from killing the other two, but Gabriel and Balthazar are grinning like madmen.

Overall, this is actually his favorite photo of all of them. It was their vacation to a national forest and they were standing in front of a beautiful waterfall. Castiel feels the smile tugging at his face while he looks at it, reminiscing. Then he remembers he’s supposed to show Dean.

Turning his phone, he hands it to the older man. He takes it carefully, making sure not to brush hands. Castiel hates even thinking something so cheesy, but he’s kind of disappointed they didn’t touch again. As Dean drops his eyes to the phone, he gives another beautiful laugh.

“I’m guessing it’s the two who are grinning like little shits?”

Castiel chuckles, dropping his chin to his chest out of habit when he smiles this wide. “Yes, those two are Gabriel and Balthazar.”

“And the other two?” Dean leans his upper body closer to the table so Castiel can see Dean’s face grinning up at him.

“Michael and Luke, my other brothers.” Castiel’s face heats up a little and he lifts his head back up.

Dean whistles and hands his phone back. “Wow, you’ve got a lot of brothers. I couldn’t imagine how hectic your life was growing up.”

“It wasn’t too bad. There’s an eight-year gap between me and Balthazar, the second youngest, so I’ve always been the baby to them. Even now.”

Dean hums and nods, appearing contemplative. “So they’re protective of you.”

“A little too much, at times, yes. It only got worse after our parents died in a car accident.” Their worry was justified, though. Castiel remembers it clear as day. How his parents had taken him out to dinner for receiving the number one spot in his grade for academics. They were so proud of him. They were going to pick up their pizzas they ordered and they took Castiel with them. They were going to get him a ‘top secret’ ice cream so his brothers wouldn’t get jealous.

They never made it to the ice cream shop.

Castiel curls in slightly on himself but pushes it away and looks up at Dean. His stomach twists uncomfortably seeing Dean’s angry and sour expression. Castiel immediately backpedals, trying to remember what he’s said that could have made Dean angry.

The car crash perhaps? Maybe Dean’s had an accident before too and he’s remembering unpleasant thoughts. Suddenly he feels sick. He knows what it’s like not wanting to remember something.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel mutters to the table. He sees Dean’s head snaps up from his peripheral vision. “I didn’t mean to bring up anything unpleasant for you. I hadn't meant to say that, it just slipped out. You’re easy to talk to.” 

Castiel scrunches up his face, upset with himself for not having a filter sometimes and knowing when something is or isn’t appropriate to bring up. If he had a filter, he wouldn’t have upset Dean.

“I’m sorry.” He mutters again.”

“Cas.” The tone in Dean’s voice demands to be listened to.

It makes Castiel hesitantly look up, not wanting to see if Dean is still angry. Castiel has never liked hurting people, especially after that night of hearing his mother’s anguished cries. But what he sees when he looks up isn’t Dean angry or upset. He looks contrite with himself, a gentle look in his eyes. The older man reaches across the table and puts one of his large hands over Castiel’s.

“I’m not angry. You don’t have to hold yourself back around me. I’m glad you find it easy to talk to me. I’m flattered, honestly, that you felt comfortable to share something like that with me.” Dean frowns and squeezes his hand. “Besides, I’m sure the memory is painful for you. Don’t apologize. If anything, I’m the one who’s sorry for making you feel you had to apologize to me for bringing up something so painful from your own past.”

Castiel swallows past the lump in his throat, unsure what to say to those words. The fact that they sounded so genuine only makes it worse. They’ve only just met yet Dean is talking to him like he truly cares.

And maybe he does. Perhaps this is just Dean’s personality. 

He started getting a little dizzy. He brushes it off as a side effect for second-hand smoke inhalation.

Dean arches an expectant brow, and wow if that didn’t get the tendrils of arousal flowing mighty fast.

“Okay,” Castiel says. Dean smiles and gives his hand one last squeeze before letting go and leaning back. Castiel flushes and finishes off his drink, hopefully finishing this off will abate the dizziness. 

Dean chuckles from across the table which only serves to make Castiel’s face heat more and the dizziness intensifies. “Man,” Dean says, “I don’t know if I’m ever gonna get used to how easily you blush.” 

Castiel refuses to blush any deeper. He needs to get control of himself again. He’s going to come across as some demure virgin.

_ That’s because you are, Cassie _ , Gabriel’s sing-song voice cheers in his mind.  _ My baby bro’s got himself a little crush! _

Castiel has a sudden urge to go to the bathroom to collect himself. He just needs to be out of this man’s presence for a minute ad he’ll be back to normal. “Excuse me, I need to use the restroom,” Castiel says and scoots over to the edge of his bench. When he goes to stand though, it feels like the world is tilting on its axis and everything is snipping too quickly.

“Whoa!” Dean’s voice is right in his ear and suddenly Cas is being held to his broad chest. “Cas, you okay?” His voice is full of concern that would make the butterflies reappear if the situation was different.

“Yes,” Castiel mutters into Dean’s shoulder, trying to straighten up without falling again. “I-I think, maybe not.”

Dean gives a concerned huff above him that sounds like a worried laugh. “You just contradicted yourself.” His arms stay on Castiel’s biceps as Castiel tries standing on his own. A second later, he’s stumbling and Dean is pulling him right back into his chest, or did he fall into his chest? Castiel isn’t sure, but the last thing he hears over the thrumming music of the club is Dean’s concerned voice saying something that sounds like a million miles away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished the second chapter in a week! I'll try to keep this up but who knows how it's gonna be when school starts next week. Tell me what you think :) I promise I don't bite!

The first thing Castiel smells when he wakes up is coffee. 

The second thing is that he feels like his head has been stuffed with cotton. 

He groans, rolling onto his stomach and buries his face in the pillow he has under his head. 

_ Wait, _ He thinks to himself. _ When did I get home? _

He cracks his eyes open and squints at the morning bright room. He freezes in his spot. This isn’t his room. The next moment, there’s a soft knock on the door and Castiel’s eyes jolt to it. Standing in the cracked doorway is Dean, who’s offering a smile, and Castiel feels a mixture of panic and relief. Relieved that he didn’t get taken home by some John, but panicked because what happened last night?

“Hey, sleeping beauty.” His smile falters and is replaced with concern. “How’re you feeling?” Dean asks and walks into the room, setting a mug of coffee on the nightstand for him and sits himself on the edge of the bed. “I wasn’t sure how you took your coffee, or if you even liked coffee, so it’s just black. I can grab milk and sugar if you want it though.”

Castiel smiles appreciatively and sits himself up. “Thank you, this is perfect.” He grabs it and takes a careful sip. His eyes closing to bask in the bitter taste for a moment. “I’m feeling better. A little fuzzy, but much better.” He opens his eyes and meets Dean’s concerned green gaze. He lowers the mug to his lap and cradles the ceramic gently. “I’m so sorry I passed out like that last night. I don’t know what came over me.”

Dean places a hand on Castiel’s knee where it lays under the blankets of, is this Dean’s bed? “Hey, it’s okay. I was just as shocked as you were. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“I’m still sorry.” He looks around, and glances out a window and sees tall buildings and he’s reminded that he doesn’t know exactly where he’s at. “Where, uh, are we?” He asks a little unsure and looks back at Dean. 

Dean, seemingly realizing how this looks, stands and rubs the back of his neck. “Oh, this is, uh, my place. Sorry, I didn’t know the passcode on your phone so I couldn’t call anyone for you, and I looked around for your brothers at the club, but they weren’t there.” Dean gives an unsure shrug. “So I brought you back here so Sammy could look you over and make sure you were okay. He studied as a doctor, so I figured,” he let his sentence trail off and shrugs again. 

Castiel gives him a warm smile, saying, “Thank you, that was very kind. I will have to thank Sam.” while he starts getting up. Dean is by his side in an instant, helping him to his feet. Castiel notices then that he’s in his boxers and looks up at Dean with a quirked brow.

Dean actually looks sheepish and rubs the back of his neck. “Sorry about that, I didn’t think sleeping in jeans would be very comfortable.” He turns around and grabs a pair of folded up jeans off the dresser, handing them back to Castiel. “Here.” 

“Thank you.” He takes them and slips his legs in one at a time. When he’s decent again, he spots his phone on the nightstand and thins his lips in nervous anticipation. Gathering the little courage he has, he picks it up and clicks the home button to see the bombardment of messages and missed calls he’s sure to have.

Nothing happens.

His phone is dead.

He sighs, a small groan escaping his lips. It’s both a mercy and a punishment.

“Need to borrow my phone?” Dean asks while he digs the object of mention out of his pocket.

Cas smiles gratefully at him. “Please, my brothers are probably going crazy since I never came home or answered my phone.” 

Dean smiles nodding understandingly, handing it over. “I get it. I’d go a little crazy if Sam did the same thing.” 

Castiel dials Michael’s number easily from memory and brings it to his ear. Just when Castiel thinks his brother isn’t going to answer, a harried sounding version of Michael answers. “_ Michael Novak speaking. _” 

“Michael, it’s-” He begins but is immediately cut off.

_ “Castiel?! Where the hell are you! I’ve been worried sick! Do you know what we’ve- no, no, you know what, I’m coming to get you right now.” _

“Michael, I’m alright, really.” He says trying to put his brother at ease. “I just …” Castiel sighs, not sure he wants to tell his brother what really happened since he doesn’t even really know what happened. That would only make Michael worry more than he needs to. He has a stressful job as an FBI agent, he doesn’t need to worry about Castiel more than he already does. “I apologize for disappointing you. It appears I drank too much. I fell asleep.” 

He hears a long-suffering sigh on the other end and he bites his bottom lip, waiting for Michael to tell him he’s upset but it never comes. _ “I’m glad you’re alright, Castiel. You haven’t disappointed me.” _

There’s another sigh and Castiel can imagine Michael running a hand through his black hair, elbow on his desk at work and forehead resting on his palm, eyes closed. It’s a common pose for his oldest brother when he’s been stressed and finally gets a break. There’s a long stretch of silence between them that makes Castiel fidget before Michael speaks again. 

_ “You can fill me in when you get home.” _ He says, sounding much more relaxed than he had previously. _ “Where are you now?” _

Castiel spits out, “I’ll just walk home, it’s okay.” a little too quickly and he mentally kicks himself. He closes his eyes tightly and rubs his face like he can rub away his embarrassment.

Castiel knows Michael catches onto his frantic tone because there’s a beat of silence before he says,_ “Castiel? What’s-” _

“I’ll see you tonight,” Castiel cuts him off, “I have class soon. I love you.” and hangs up handing the flip phone back to Dean like it’s physically hurting him to hold it. 

Dean pockets his phone, giving him a curious quirk of the brow. “Didn’t want big brother to come get you?” Cas blushes and goes to answer but flounders and Dean smiles. “It’s okay, you don’t have to explain. I know what this looks like.” Dean waves between the two of them and the apartment, chuckling. “Plus, I’m pretty sure I’m 15 years your senior. Most people wouldn’t be too thrilled about their little brother seeing someone so much older than them.” 

“That’s not…” Castiel blushes deeper. “It’s not that.” He sighs and grabs his coffee again to have something to keep his hands busy. “My brothers just don’t know that I’m gay and I would like to avoid them even thinking something happened between them.”

A frown creases between Dean’s brows. “You think they’d be homophobic?”

Cas’ eyes widen quickly and he looks up to meet Dean’s concerned and slightly annoyed eyes. “No! Not … nothing like that. That just isn’t how I want to come out to them.” Castiel takes a sip of his coffee. “It’s just nerve-wracking to think about telling them because I don’t know how they’ll react. Gabriel is always trying to get me to get together with women. He says I need to ‘loosen up’ and ‘let loose.’ It’s incredibly awkward since he thinks I’m just shy.”

“You are though,” Castiel looks up with furrowed brows. Dean is smiling at him playfully, clearly trying to lighten the mood a little and it makes Castiel’s stomach flip. “Shy, that is.” 

Castiel thins his lips and narrows his eyes light-heartedly. “I’m not _ that _ shy.” 

Dean only hums, smiling and takes a sip of his own coffee. He nods in the direction of the door indicating Castiel to follow. He does.

“You know, I was going to be nice and say you didn’t look 15 years older than me, but now?” Castiel squints at him, looks him over diligently. “I think you overestimate yourself. I would say 20 years.”

Dean barks a sharp laugh and places a hand over his heart when they get to the living room. “Oh! I’m shot! How could you attack a man’s age like that?” His green eyes sparkle with youthful mirth when he looks at him and the smile he’s beaming at him makes him look no older than twenty-eight. He takes a seat in one of the chairs next to the couch so Castiel takes the couch.

Castiel feels his face heat up again and he prays it isn’t showing. Taking a drink, he looks away and smiles. “Yes, well, you look very good for 40.”

Dean squawks. “I’m 31, thank you very much. I’m still just as good as when I was your age.”

Castiel turns his smile at him. “Ten years can do a lot to the body. You really think you can still keep up with somebody so much younger?” Castiel teases, trying not to let on how much thinking about this is affecting him. Honestly, he’s impressed that he’s been able to keep this up as long as he has been.

The smirk Dean sends his way, accompanied by a wink, sends Castiel’s stomach tumbling. “Oh, I know I could keep up with you, sweetheart.” 

There is no God powerful enough to stop the blush that flushes across Castiel’s cheeks.

The smirk on Dean’s face turns predatory. “You’re so cute when you blush like that.”

Castiel narrows his eyes. “Shut up.” Dean hums, slowly leaning back in his seat, spreading his legs and watching Castiel with intense eyes. Castiel’s whole body feels like it ignites from the merely bubbling arousal before. Swallowing thickly, he nods. “I should … yes. Go. I should probably go to class … and all.”

Dean’s smile is knowing, but he simply nods. “When’s your class?”

“I, uh- it’s, um, 10:30.” 

Dean leisurely juts his hips up from the chair to pull his phone from his back pocket. Castiel wants to slap him for the pull of arousal in his gut. There’s no way Dean doesn’t know what he’s doing to Castiel. Although, maybe that’s his intention. 

Those stunning green eyes slide to his phone’s screen. “That’s an hour away.” He looks up through his lashes at him. “You really wanna leave so early? The campus isn’t far from here and I can give you a ride.”

Castiel licks his lips subconsciously and looks away, unable to hold Dean’s gaze. “And what would you suggest we do for that hour if I stayed?” He looks back when he sees Dean flash him a toothy smile that would bring God himself to his knees. 

“I could think of a few things.” The older man practically purrs.

Castiel clenches his legs as his cock twitches in its confines, he’s already hard. He’s never been more embarrassed … okay, maybe there was one other time, but that doesn’t matter. He swallows and opens his mouth to speak, but it looks like the cat’s got his tongue because nothing comes out. He closes his mouth and drops his eyes to Dean’s broad shoulders and toned chest. He wants to, God does he want to, but he feels so completely inadequate to this man. The experience he must have would put Castiel to shame.

He’s never been with anyone. Nobody’s ever interested him enough.

_ But who’s a better first time than someone experienced. Then they wouldn’t hurt you _, Castiel’s mind chirps helpfully.

Castiel steels his nerves and clears his throat. “I, uh, I should tell you, before you get your hopes up any more, that I’ve never-” His ears are burning while he waves a hand between them, unable to look at Dean.

Dean chuckles, not unkindly. “If that’s you trying to deter me, it’s really not working.” Castiel looks up, meeting Dean’s eyes. They’ve taken on a much softer tone than their previous gaze of a lioness that’s stalking her prey. “I don’t care if you’ve never done anything with anyone before.” Dean winks. “Just means I get to teach you everything.” 

Castiel flushes again, hating himself for being a blushing bride. 

“But,” Dean continues, “I’m not gonna force anything, so if you don’t want to-”

“I want to.” Castiel spits out before he can catch up with his brain to mouth filter. When he finally does, he’s screaming internally.

“In that case,” Dean smiles at him gently, “come here and let me take care of you.”

A pleasant chill runs down his spine in the realization this is actually happening. His heart is hammering in his chest and his legs feel like jello, now completely, embarrassingly, hard. Slowly, he stands and walks over to stand in front of Dean. The man is still leaning back in his chair comfortably, legs spread wide. Castiel hesitates for a second before putting a knee beside Dean’s thigh and swings his other leg over his lap, straddling Dean.

Dean grins up at him reassuringly. He puts his hands on Castiel’s hips and rubs little circles with his thumbs over his hip bones. “Relax for me, Cas, okay?” 

He slowly nods and does his best to follow Dean’s instructions. His hands are warm and help soothe his nerves when they run up and down his sides. When he’s sitting contentedly on his lap, one of Dean’s hands trails up his arm. It cups the back of his neck and pulls him down slowly, keeping their eyes locked. Castiel licks his lips in anticipation and lets his eyes flick to Dean’s plush lips. It makes him squirm in Dean’s lap. 

That must have been what he was waiting for because he closes the distance between them after that. Their lips brush lightly, just a barely-there touch. Castiel takes a shaky breath in and surges in, his arms wrapping around Dean’s neck. He can feel Dean break out into a smile in their kiss and it makes Castiel’s stomach butterflies return. 

Dean’s hand cards up to the back of his neck and into his hair. He tilts their heads more, his other hand coming up and running his thumb over his stubbly jaw. Cupping Castiel’s chin, his thumb on the corner of Castiel’s lips, he guides Castiel’s bottom lip down a little. Getting the hint, he opens for him. Dean’s tongue pushes in and Castiel takes in a sharp breath before letting out a low groan. 

When Dean pulls back, Castiel tries to follow him, making a discontented noise. A small chuckle sounds from the man beneath him and Castiel’s eyes flutter open to see Dean leaning in, planting a quick kiss again before leaning back to meet his eyes. Castiel is breathing a little heavier than before and he feels he should be embarrassed about how easily he’s getting worked up, but with the look Dean’s giving him he can’t find it in himself to care. His pupils are blown wide, only little slivers of green are showing. His breathing is heavier, matching Castiel’s, and his lips are pink and kiss swollen. 

This look is one Castiel could get very used to seeing on this man. The fact that he’s the cause of it makes it even better and he has to bite his lip to stop from diving back in.

“You okay?” Dean asks, voice huskier. 

Castiel nods. “I’m okay.” 

“You’re shaking.” 

He takes a moment to realize that he really is shaking. He thins his lips. “Just … a little nervous.”

Dean hums in understanding. “It’s okay, sweetheart. That’s normal.” 

He leans back in, but this time he bypasses Castiel’s lips and goes for his neck. The hand that’s still in his hair grips and pulls his head to the side. Castiel bites back a moan and goes willingly, trusting this man. Dean trails soft kisses up his neck and nips at the sensitive skin right below his ear. The moan he’s been suppressing breaks through and his arms tighten around Dean. His warm breath ghosts over his ear and it sends goosebumps over his skin.

“Just focus on me, baby. I promise I’ll be gentle.”

“Okay,” Castiel says with a trembling voice.

Castiel lets himself get lost in Dean’s caress. The older man’s hands are gentle and Castiel relishes in it. They work their way down his back and his fingers play with the hem of his shirt. Without prompting, Castiel raises his arms for Dean to take the fabric off. Dean pulls back and slides it off him before Castiel dives back in eagerly when his shirt is out of the way and Dean’s smirk presses into Castiel’s lips. Castiel can practically hear him saying 'Eager, are we?'

Dean trails his hands down Castiel's body to grip the globes of his ass. He arches his back and pushes back into the touch. Dean nips his jaw, kissing his neck and Castiel has never felt so good. Not even just physically, but emotionally. It feels like Dean is trying to worship him and it makes butterflies flutter in his stomach. He closes his eyes, tilting his head to the side to give him better access and grips tighter onto Dean’s shoulders.

Dean hums against his Adam's apple. “Look at you, so responsive to me.” His teeth scrape gently over the column of his throat, like he wants to bite harder, leave proof that he was here. That he was the one to do this to him. The mark him up so everyone would know what he was up to. Castiel bites his bottom lip and Dean's hands tighten their grip on his ass. Castiel knows that probably isn't Anything Dean is thinking, but he doesn't care, he can't control his thoughts at the moment. The thought of Dean marking him sends a thrill through his body and makes him shiver. He wants to be able to have proof that Dean was here. That he and Dean shared this.

Castiel moans, wishing he would mark him up, but is unsure how to ask for it. So instead, he moans, “Dean,” and tugs at his shirt.

Dean gets the hint and divests himself of his shirt without much finesse. The sight that greets Castiel like a work of art. Miles of tan skin, covered in beautifully done tattoos and some finer scars. Some of the worst scars looks to be covered by tattoos, only the hint of raised skin indicates its it's there. Castiel runs his hands up the tattooed abs and chest to wrap around his neck and pull himself back in for another kiss. Dean lets him take the lead this time while his hands glide down his sides and hook into the waistband of his jeans. Castiel's heart jumps in anticipation, pushing into Dean more, silently telling him to hurry. Dean bites Castiel's bottom lip roughly in response and deftly pops open both his and Cas’ jeans, getting both of their straining cocks out of their confines.

Dean pulls back and spits into his hand before looking into his eyes. “Spit.” 

His voice is deeper than before and it has Castiel scrambling to obey. When he does, Dean brings his clean hand up and pulls him back in to keep kissing and Castiel goes along happily. He enjoys kissing Dean. The feeling of his plush lips pressed against his own. Dean’s hand wraps around them both, successfully snapping Castiel out of his thoughts. It has him breaking away to gasp and he arches into the touch, bucking his hips to get more friction.

Dean gives a deep, throaty chuckle, his breathing just as rigid as Castiel's. He starts pumping them slow, which Castiel is grateful for or else this would end much too quickly. He leans forward and rests his forehead against Dean’s, eyes closed and breathing heavily, simply focusing on the feel of Dean’s hand stroking them together. 

When he gets himself under control, he rocks into his hand and groans under his breath. “Faster.” He grinds out. A hand grips his hair, pulling his head back and lips and teeth attack his throat, complying with his plea. Castiel starts to feel his balls tighten too soon and he whines, gripping Dean’s shoulders again. “Dean, oh fuck, please, I’m gonna- please.” 

Dean bites his earlobe and then whispers, “Go ahead, baby. Lemme see you.”

Like he was waiting for the command, Castiel comes, arching his back and moaning without a care who could possibly hear him. Dean moans beneath him and clamps his teeth on the meat of Castiel's shoulder roughly as he follows behind him. Castiel's body wracks with shivers and he feels his cock give a valiant twitch in an attempt to get back in the game. Dean releases his shoulder quickly when he seems to realize what he did and kisses the abused spot in apology. Castiel rests his head in the crook of Dean’s neck and basks in the afterglow. Dean holds him close, arms wrapping around Castiel's waist and pulling him to they’re chest to chest.

There's a pleasant quiet between them for a little while, neither wanting to say anything and both of them are simply enjoying the moment for what it is. Dean is the one to break the peace by mumbling, “Sorry about biting you.” 

Cas feels a lethargic smile creep up on his face and he kisses Dean’s neck. “It’s quite alright, Dean.”

Dean nuzzles his face into the crook of Castiel's neck, peppering little kisses there and over his shoulder. "We should probably get around. Wouldn't want you to run late for school."

Castiel gives a discontented groan, trying to bury himself deeper in Dean. "I need a shower. I'm gonna smell like sex." 

Dean lets out a surprised bark of laughter, his arms squeezing Castiel to him tighter for a moment. "Sorry, I don't think there's time for a shower if you wanna be on time, but I'll let you borrow my cologne." Dean claps his ass playfully. "Come on, sleepyhead. Time to get around." 

Castiel mumbles a tired, "I don't wanna." But gets up anyway. 

Dean chuckles, standing as well. "Something tells me you're gonna be a cuddler." His voice is fond when he says that so Castiel doesn't feel bad for turning so clingy. Dean disappears to retrieve the cologne and Castiel dresses, attempting to make himself presentable. A moment later, he returns and hands it to him and he sprays a modest amount on before setting it down.

“Let’s get you to school.” Dean says, leaning in and claiming his lips once more. After a moment, he leans back slightly and hums. “I like this scent on you. You smell like me.” 

“Are you trying to stake a claim, sir?” Castiel teases, but he can feel a little blush warming the tips of his ears. He has to admit he likes the idea of smelling like Dean too.

Dean’s pupils dilate and his grip on Castiel’s hips tightens, growling, “Damn straight.” before devouring his lips again. Castiel forgets about his class for the time being and allows himself to get lost in Dean.

**✦ ** **✧** **✦**

Dean pulls his monstrous, yet beautiful, car up to the curb just outside the building Castiel’s class is in. When Castiel told Dean how much he liked his car, Dean had taken it upon himself to show him his appreciation. After that, Dean’s been smiling the whole ride over to the campus, sneaking glances at him every so often and giving him the everyone’s-gonna-know-you-got-some face. Castiel ends up playfully slapping his arm at least three times because of it, which only serves to make the older man belt out a hearty laugh.

Dean took to resting his hand on Castiel’s knee on the ride over and it’s nice having a point of contact between them since Castiel didn’t want to stop touching him either. It’s nice to know Dean didn’t want to, either. But now they’re at their destination, which means Castiel needs to get out and go to class. Sighing, Castiel opens his door, unable to think of any reason to stay longer. 

“Hey, Cas.” Dean’s voice stops him from getting out and he quickly looks back. 

Before he has time to ask, Dean’s hand is snaking around the back of his neck and pulling him into a heated kiss. His tongue pushes its way into his mouth, making Castiel lean in more. Dean pulls back and bites Castiel’s bottom lip a little roughly and Castiel moans unexpectedly. He releases hip lip and backs up so their faces are only inches away, leaving Castiel’s breathing a little uneven. 

Castiel can see his wide pupils and he’s smirking at him. “Have a good day, babe.” Dean says in a low voice, all sinuous edges and dark promises.

Castiel swallows thickly and nods, saying, “Y-you too.” while he slides out. When he's standing on the sidewalk, he watches in a daze as Dean's beast of a car drives off. It's only when he turns and disappears from Castiel's sight does he realize he's staring. Jolting as if he's been shocked, he turns on his heel and goes inside. He calmly sits in his usual seat next to Charlie, his best friend, when he finds the room. 

The redhead glances over at him, taking a sip of her coffee. When her eyes meet his though, her eyes bug out and she seems to inhale some of her coffee because before he knows it, she's sputtering and coughing like a madman.

He jumps in shock and looks at her with wide eyes. “Are you okay, Charlie?” 

She gawks at him, ignoring the little bits of spilled coffee on her desk. “Oh. My. Goddesses. You got laid!” She whispers excitedly, brimming with unbridled energy. 

Castiel blushes and looks around and hisses at her. “Keep your voice down, Charlie.” 

“Oh my Zeus, you totally did!” She slaps her desk. 

He glares at her getting his things out for class. “It’s nothing to get so excited about. You do it all the time.” 

“Yeah, _ I _ do, but you never have. This is huge!” She scoots her desk closer to his, successfully blocking the row. She turns to face him, puts her elbows on her desk and rests her chin in her hands. “Tell me all about it. Was he hot? A musician? Your regular Adonis? He must have been something to sweep our dear little Castiel off his feet.” 

Castiel doesn’t get a chance to reply before a body plops unceremoniously in the desk in front of his, the sound of gum popping following shortly after. A pair of heavy black boots thud on the desk in the opposite row from them. He doesn’t have to look up to know who it is.

“What’s the occasion?” Meg asks while popping her gum again.

Charlie turns a wide smile to her and he tries to cut her off, saying, “Charlie, don’t-” 

But Charlie, of course, ignores him, and instead is the one to cut him off. “Cas got laid.” He groans and looks at the ceiling, wishing it would cave in at the moment. This is exactly why he didn't want to tell them when he had any kind of sex. They would blow it out of proportion. Exactly like they're doing now.

“Aw, Clarence, it’s about time." Meg laughs heartily. "I was starting to wonder if you even had a libido.” 

Cas narrows his eyes at her, not really offended, just annoyed. “Of course I do. And there is nothing wrong with not having sex, Meg.” She stares into his eyes, slowly chewing her gum, blowing a bubble and letting it pop. He rolls his eyes.

“He was about to tell me who it was.” Charlie interjects.

Meg turns to face him more with a smile. “Well?” 

“I was about to do no such thing.” He glares at Charlie. “It isn’t important. It was a one-time thing.” Even though he’s pretty sure it wasn’t since Dean called him babe. Does that word mean they’re dating now? Does that word hold that much power? He tries to imagine someone calling their one night stands babe in the way Dean had but just doesn't feel right. Also not to mention he really wants to see him again. Maybe Dean doesn't want it to be a fling either and that was him hinting at something.

“Would you call a one time fling ‘babe’?” He blurts without really thinking.

“Ohhhh, and the plot thickens.” Charlie leans back in. “How was it used?” 

“He said ‘Have a good day, babe.’” 

Meg immediately says, “No.” while Charlie says, “Did he wink or anything?” 

Castiel blushes and looks at his desk. “Well, he kinda kissed me goodbye.” 

“Aww, look at you getting all flustered thinking about it.” Meg coos. 

Charlie has hearts in her eyes when he looks back up. “Aww! You two are OTP material.” 

He furrows his brows at her. “You’ve never even met him, Charlie. Plus, I just met him. I don’t even know if we’re dating.” 

Meg chuckles. “Looks like you should use your own advice and ask.” 

Castiel glares at her- “I will … later.” Meg laughs and thankfully Professor Singer walks in before she can say anything, saving him from further interrogation.

Professor Singer looks at Charlie. “Bradbury,” 

Charlie picks up her desk, not missing a beat while saying, “On it.” and pulls it back in place.

When she's back in place, he looks at Meg and arches a brow. “‘S that look like a footstool to you?” 

Meg looks between the desk and back to Bobby shrugging. “Yeah, kinda.” 

He narrows his eyes. “Well, it ain’t. Feet on the ground, Masters.” 

**✦** **✧** **✦**

The moment Castiel has been dreading is finally here as he slowly walks up the front steps to his house. He knows Michael isn't going to be home for another hour, but it's the waiting that's going to make Castiel lose it. He doesn't know how his brother is going to react. He knows he worried his siblings. Honestly, he's surprised Michael didn't go to the police when he never showed up. Castiel supposes he can thank Luke for that. He probably had enough sense to hold him back.

When he gets inside, he takes off his shoes and lines them up against the wall. He supposes he should get dinner started and try to think about what he's going to tell his brother when he gets home. 

An hour later, the front door opens when Castiel is setting their plates on the table. He looks up towards the dining room's archway in anticipation, his heart jumping as his nerves skyrocket again. He doesn't understand why he's so nervous to face his brother, it isn't like he's done anything wrong. It wasn't his fault he passed out like that. But the illogical side of his brain is winning out and his nerves are taking over.

"Castiel?" Michael's voice rings through the air and Castiel can hear him kicking off his shoes, not even bothering to straighten them before walking towards the kitchen. 

"In the kitchen." Castiel calls out, going to meet him halfway, but when he gets to the archway, he finds himself being engulfed in a tight hug.

"God, Cas, we were so worried about you." Michael mumbles into his hair and Castiel hugs him back, feeling guilty. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen." 

"I know," Michael pulls back and looks him over with a sad smile. "So, why don't you tell me what really happened while we eat." 

Castiel cringes a little but nods and they take their seats. He should have known he couldn't get anything past his brother. He's in the FBI for crying out loud, he's practically a certified lie detector. 

He's unsure how to start this story, so he just blurts, "I, uh, met someone." 

Michael's fork stops halfway to his mouth before he lowers it again. There's a look akin to shock on his face as he stares at Castiel. "You met someone … that you're interested in romantically?" Michael's words are slow and measured, as if trying not to spook him. 

"Yes." Castiel thins his lips, his heart thudding wildly in his chest as he prepares himself for what he's about to say. Taking a steadying breath, he goes for it, rushing it all out in one breath. "He bought me a drink and we talked and he's really nice and he brought me back to his place." He chances a look up at his brother when he remains quiet. 

Michael's mouth is hanging open just slightly, then he closes it immediately after and then opens it again. His brother clears his throat and nods. "So this guy,"

"Dean." Castiel chimes in. Michael looks up at him and Castiel shrinks back. "Sorry."

"No, no, it's fine. So, Dean, he, um … he treated you well?" 

Michael's stumbling over his words is so uncharacteristic of him that Castiel is stunned into silence for a moment to process. That's when it clicks with what he's asking. Castiel's face heats up and he knows he's gone crimson. 

"He was very … considerate." Castiel mutters as he shoves some broccoli into his mouth, eyes trained on his plate. 

He only looks up when he hears quiet giggling. Yes, giggling. His head snaps up to see his older brother's head bowed and his shoulders shaking. Michael Novak is _ giggling _. Michael looks up, meeting Castiel's eyes, and apparently, the look on his face is humorous because he breaks out into an outright laugh. 

"What?" Castiel asks incredulously. 

Michael calms down long enough to speak again. "Damn," he sighs, still smiling. He looks up, meeting his eyes. "I hope you know you lost me 50 dollars." 

Castiel gapes at him. Did he and his brothers really … "You all took a bet on me?" 

"Gabriel and Luke were convinced you were into men. And here I was, the one you live with, simply thinking you were shy." Michael busts out in laughter again and Castiel can't fight the smile that's forcing its way onto his face. 

He can’t let him off that easy though, so he grabs his napkin and throws it towards him, as if that would actually do any harm. "You assholes." Michael shies away from the napkin and laughs more. Castiel shakes his head before joining in. 

Looks like he was worrying over nothing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna start this off saying I'm not particularly happy with this chapter. I had no outline for this it, which isn't something I usually do, so that’s why I’m a little late with this update (as well as school being back in session). I wasn’t sure how I wanted to proceed with this it, but I hope this isn’t too bad. That being said, I make no promises when chapter 4 will be up because I'm in the same position as this time, but know that it will be here eventually. I apologize about any grammar or spelling mistakes I made, I didn't read through this and edit it like I should have. I also ended it in a weird place so I may come back to that and add a little to make it flow a little better.
> 
> Also, the movie that is watched in this chapter is completely made up, just so you know. Don't be shy to tell me what you think :)

"Gimme all the juicy details, baby bro. Who's this mega hottie that's swept you off your feet?" Gabriel says as he leans over the counter, giddy.

Castiel ignores him, eyes scanning over the board of coffee his brother's shop offers. "I think I'll have a medium caramel macchiato today." 

"Cassie," Gabriel whines petulantly while ringing up the order, but it doesn’t take long for him to bounce back. "Okay, you know what? This is on the house since you won Luke and I fifty buck-a-roos each. Bal and Mikey looked like they were eating a lemon when they had to give it to us." Gabriel chortles at the memory. " 

"In that case, make it a large and throw in a blueberry muffin." Castiel looks down from the menu to see Gabriel pouting again but still putting it in. Castiel bites his lip to hide his smile. 

"Will you at least tell me his name?" Gabriel's petulance is seeping into his tone as he cashes Castiel out and althea Batista begins his order. "It isn't fair that Mikey is the only one who knows it." 

Castiel contemplates entertaining his brother for a second. If he doesn't tell him, he'll most likely keep bothering him, and he came here to study. He has a midterm coming up too. That last though is the deciding factor for him when he says, "Dean." 

Gabriel whoops in victory as Castiel takes his order from the barista with a polite thank you. Once he has his things, he makes his way to his back corner and settles in, thankfully Gabriel is kept occupied with customers. He slinks into his booth and drags out his school material. He came here to study, but twenty minutes later and nothing to show for it, he sighs. His thoughts have been constantly going back to Dean and he can’t stop them. 

He wants to see him again. 

The problem? He doesn’t know how to find him. It would be creepy if he just showed up at his apartment, wouldn’t it? Yes, yes it would. That leads to the question, does Dean even want him to find him? The whole incident only took place yesterday, would he look too clingy if he said he wanted to see him again? Is he already too attached? But what if Dean wants to see him again too? What if he wants him to take the initiative and show up at his place since they didn’t get any other form of contact.

Castiel groans and rubs his hands over his face, feeling the weight of this bearing down on his shoulders is too much anxiety right now. He hadn’t slept well last night, his thoughts too busy like right now.

It started with one of his nightmares. He hadn’t had one in a few weeks, so this one had snuck up on him, catching him off his guard. It was a bad one too, every little detail seering its way into the backs of Castiel’s eyelids so that’s what he sees every time he closes his eyes. The nightmare dredged up the bad thoughts too. He knows he isn’t supposed to think the thoughts that he did last night; he and his therapist worked hard on that, but sometimes the bad thoughts can’t be stopped. Sometimes, he just has to ride them out until they stop on their own.

What startled Castiel last night, after they finally stopped, was how much he wanted Dean there to hold him. That single thought is what kept Castiel up the remainder of the night, along with the fact that he could barely close his eyes without seeing the accident.

A body slides into the booth across from Castiel, successfully pulling him from his thoughts. With a sigh, Castiel keeps his face in his hands while he groans, “Gabriel,” He then looks up to ask him to give him some space, to not be himself for one day. That all dies on his tongue when he sees the freckled man sitting across from him. “Dean,” He says breathily.

Dean’s answering grin sends Castiel’s stomach aflutter. “Thought you could get rid of me that easily?”

“Wha- n-no, that’s not, I…” Castiel thins his lips and collects himself, feeling his cheeks burning. “I wasn’t expecting you to be here.”

Thankfully, Dean doesn't seem deterred. He shrugs and leans back in his seat. “We surprised each other then. I wasn’t expecting to see you here either. I come here all the time. Imagine my surprise when I see a familiar, grumpy, bed-headed beauty in the corner.” Castiel feels like he could burst into flames at the moment, but he remains silent. “That’s when I remembered I never got your number yesterday and came over to say hi.” Dean leans in, elbows on the table and lasciviously on his face. “So, what d’you say, sweetheart? I really enjoyed yesterday and would love to see you again. Can I have your number?”

“Yes,” Castiel says immediately, not bothering to think about it as he pulls his phone out and hands it to Dean. Dean grins at him cheerily while he puts his number in Castiel’s phone. A moment later, Dean’s phone buzzes meaning he probably sent himself a text.

“So,” Dean starts, handing his phone back over. “Your brother is here I take it?” 

“What?” Castiel furrows his brows.

The older man chuckles. “You said his name when you thought I was him.” Castiel mouths ‘oh’ and blushes a little. Dean grins wider, reaching across the table and placing his hand over Castiel’s, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “You’re damn adorable, you know that?”

Before Castiel can answer, Gabriel comes over, his voice breaking both him and Dean out of the other’s eyes. “Dean-o?” Castiel turns his attention to his brother and narrows his eyes at the interruption. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Dean finally look over at Gabriel. Castiel can practically see the gears clicking into place in Gabriel’s mind. When the last one locks in place, Gabriel snaps his wide eyes to Castiel. “_ This _ is the Dean that you did the hanky-panky with?”

If there were ever a moment that Castiel wished there was a moment that the Earth would open a black hole and swallow him and his brother, now would be the time. Castiel feels his face warm up in embarrassment and he glares daggers at him and hisses a threatening, “Gabriel.”

Dean’s ankle slides up against his under the table, like he’s trying to comfort Cas, which it actually does. The tension in his shoulders drops a little and his embarrassment fades marginally. Dean chooses then to break in. “So that’s why you looked so familiar.” 

The brothers look at Dean, both saying, “What?”

Gabriel, taking that as in invite, sits himself in Castiel’s side of the booth, throwing an arm over the back of the booth behind Castiel. This action forces Castiel to scoot further into the booth towards the wall and he loses contact with Dean’s ankle. For a brief moment, something dark flickers across Dean’s eyes. It’s gone before Castiel can really wonder if it was really something, or if it was just the lighting.

Dean straightens in his seat, elbows on the table and he stares Gabriel down. “Cas showed me a picture of his family at the club. I thought you looked familiar from somewhere. Didn’t even connect the pieces that you worked here. You look different in pictures.” 

Castiel frowns, watching him. He seems tense about something, maybe even a bit angry. Maybe he’s angry about Gabriel inviting himself into the conversation. Wanting to do something to help, Castiel stretches his leg out and hooks their ankles together like Dean had a moment before. When their ankles link, Dean smiles at Gabriel, but Castiel knows that smile is for him and it sends warmth unfurling through his body. 

Gabriel slaps the table as if he’s just had an epiphany. “Cassie, you need to invite Dean-o here over to family dinner this Sunday.” He claps a hand on Castiel’s shoulder and jostles him a little. “That way he could meet everyone. Mikey, Lucy, and Balty are all dying to meet the mystery man.” Gabriel chuckles and leans back in the booth, a smug smile playing on his lips. “They’re gonna be so jealous when I tell them I know you.” 

“This sunday?” Dean asks, looking unsure. 

“Yeah, but don’t worry, I can vouch for you if you’re worried about them not liking you. Or, unless you have something planned.” Gabriel says taking a sip of Castiel’s drink. Dean’s eyes watch his every movement and his fingers twitch before he looks away, taking a deep breath. 

Maybe he wants to come but since it wasn’t Castiel who invited him he thinks he would be overstepping. To be fair, Gabriel hadn’t given Castiel a chance to ask, but that’s just Gabriel’s personality. Overbearing at times and excessive all the time. He hadn’t even been given time to really think this over. Then again, does he need time? Does he want Dean to meet the rest of his family? The answer is immediate. Yes. He may not know Dean well, but he knows he likes him enough to want him to meet the most important people in his life.

"You should come." Castiel pipes in, smiling at Dean in what he hopes is a reassuring smile. He looks back to Castiel and holds his eyes for a long moment before he replies.

“This Sunday’s a bad time for me.” He frowns, looking genuinely apologetic. “Maybe next Sunday, if this is a regular thing?” 

"Sure is," Gabriel chimes, going to take another drink of Castiel's coffee, but Castiel swipes it before him and slowly sips on it. He sees Gabriel pout and Dean gives the tiniest of smirks. "Family is important to us." Gabriel finishes, eyeing the drink before looking back at Dean. 

"Next Sunday, then." Dean confirms, making eye contact with Castiel. "I wouldn't miss it." 

Castiel smiles, his stomach filling with excited butterflies again. When he looks away, he sees a line of customers at the counter and he arches a brow at his brother. "Don't you have a job to be doing?" 

Gabriel looks over at the counter like he truly forgot he was working and jolts out of the booth with a hurried, "See you Sunday, Cassie. Later, Dean-o." 

Castiel rolls his eyes fondly and turns his attention back to Dean. The man is watching him, and he smiles when they make eye contact. 

"So," Dean starts, "what're your plans for the rest of the day?" 

“I was planning on studying,” Castiel leaves his sentence trailing, hoping Dean catches his unsaid ‘but.’

“Well in that case,” Dean leans back in, unlike he did with his brother. “Did you want to come over and watch a movie?” 

Castiel fights back the urge to shout ‘yes’, and instead narrows his eyes playfully. "Is this a ploy to try and have sex with me?" 

Dean throws his head back and laughs. It takes a moment before he meets his eyes again, but when he does, the crinkles by his eyes and little sigh of contentment makes Castiel's heart do funny things. "It was purely innocent when I asked," His smile turns into something darker, more lustful, and his eyes turn hungry with desire. "But I wouldn't be opposed to changing the agenda." 

Castiel already knows he's going to blush long before he feels it heat his cheeks. "What movie did you have in mind?" 

**✦** **✧** **✦**

They ended up actually watching a movie. It’s one Castiel has never even heard of, but it’s about a serial killer that lives on a farm. He ended up getting caught in the end and Castiel thins his lips, but he doesn’t bother keeping his thoughts in. 

“Wouldn’t it have made more sense to feed his victims to the pigs?” Castiel frowns, staring at the credits as he sits as close to Dean as possible, entirely of their thighs touching. “I mean, he lived on a farm, afterall, and pigs eat everything. The FBI never would have found out.” He can feel Dean’s on the side of his face but he doesn’t look. “He was simply getting greedy at the end. Messier than he needed to be.” Castiel shrugs and looks over. 

Dean is smiling at him broadly, then narrows his eyes, still smiling. “You’re not secretly a serial killer, are you?” 

Castiel smiles, his face scrunching up. “No, I assure you I’m not.” He gives a playful smile back. “But if I was, you could hardly expect me to own up to it.” Dean blinks at him before laughing, his arm coming down to warp around Castiel’s shoulders. Castiel gives him a gummy smile before looking back at the screen. “I understand him in a way, though.” 

Dean stops laughing abruptly and Castiel feels he’s said something wrong. Not wanting Dean to draw away, he clarifies. “Why he turned out the way he did. Why he started killing people. I’m not saying I would do that, but … I get it.” 

A flash of the man’s face that ruined his life rushes across his mind’s vision and he clenches his jaw. The phantom ache in his leg returns with the memory. The fire, the pain, the screaming, the man that got away with killing his parents, the aftermath, what it all caused Anna to do. 

Castiel remembers the day he saw the trucker out in public. He doesn’t remember attacking him, but he remembers Michael and Balthazar pulling him off a bloodied man lying unconscious in the street. He remembers his brothers fighting when they thought Castiel wasn’t able to hear them, fighting about him and what they were going to do. He remembers the psychiatric institution. 

His breath catches in his throat. He doesn’t want to remember. 

“Hey,” A far-off voice says but he ignores it. It’s too far away to be talking to him. He doesn’t want to talk anymore. “Hey, Cas, sweetheart. Come back to me.” 

Sweetheart? Who calls him sweetheart? Surely not his brothers- oh! Dean. But Dean isn’t here, is he? 

“That’s it, I’m here. Focus on my voice, okay? You’re here with me, sweetheart.”

“Dean?” Castiel’s voice wobbles even to his own ears. 

Dean gives a relieved breath and a watery smile. “Yeah, Cas, it’s me.” Castiel frowns, focusing on Dean’s face. His green eyes are filled with concern. “You’re back, you’re okay.” Dean pulls him into his chest and Castiel lets himself be manhandled. Closing his eyes is a mistake and he rips them open a second later. The image of the bloody man on the sidewalk staring back at him. Dean’s strong arms around him are a solid weight that helps ground him in the moment. His fingers card through Castiel’s hair and he hums under his breath into his hair.

After a moment of silence, Dean gently asks, “Where’d you go, Cas?”

“I, uh,” Castiel swallows, his heart picks up its pace and he clenches his jaw. He doesn’t want to think about it. He hated that place. 

_ You have to talk, that’s the only way you’ll get better, Castiel. _ His therapist’s, Naomi, voice rings through his head and he flinches. 

No. No, he doesn’t want to do this anymore. He doesn’t want to go back.

“Hey, hey, Cas, you’re hurting yourself.” Dean’s voice rings over Naomi’s, bringing him out of the headspace he was it. He looks down and sees Dean keeping Castiel’s fingers away from his palms. There are little crescent moons of blood where his nails had dug into the skin. Immediately, he lets his fingers go lax. He hadn’t even realized he was … he hasn’t done this since his sessions with- he cuts his thoughts off abruptly.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel mutters, eyes locked on the little swells of blood.

"Hey," Dean's voice is stern, demanding him to look up, but he refuses. He's too ashamed. He barely knows Dean and he has a breakdown right in front of him. There’s no way he’s gonna want to keep seeing him now. Dean's other hand comes up and sandwiches Castiel's hand flat between his, blocking his view of the fresh cuts. "Look at me, Cas." 

Reluctantly, he does. Dean doesn’t look put off by him at all, in fact, he looks more determined than anything else. Castiel frowns and bites the inside of his lip for something to do. 

Dean brings his hand up and cups his jaw, his thumb working his lip out from between his teeth. “None of that, now.” He locks his eyes with Castiel and Castiel has to fight the urge to drop them. It’s damn hard, but he manages. When Dean sees he has all of his attention he gives a small smile. “I need you to listen to me, Cas, okay?” 

Castiel nods.

“Whatever just happened, wherever you went?” Dean’s thumb brushes over his cheekbone softly. “You don’t have to tell me, but I need you to know that I’m not gonna run away if you decide to tell me.” 

Castiel hesitates a moment, taking the time to look in his eyes to see if he’s telling the truth. When all he sees is unbridled truth in those green depths, he lets himself nod again, but makes no move to speak. 

Dean gives him a small smile and leans in slowly. “Can I kiss you?” Castiel nods again, a little more enthusiastically, and Dean closes the space between them. Just like the first time he kissed Dean, he lets himself be taken in by it, letting himself go. He releases the memories of the accident and the pain and instead focuses on this man, this beautiful, gracious, and kind man, trusting that he will take care of him. 

It isn’t long after Dean pulls him closer and into his lap that the front door opens. Castiel gasps and breaks away from kissing Dean, and he would have thrown himself off him as well if it weren’t for his firm grip on his hips. 

“Dean, I’m here.” A man’s voice breaks the still air.

Castiel can feel Dean relaxing under him and he looks down at the older man. His expression is relaxed and he’s grinning up at Castiel. “Don’t worry, it’s just my brother.” 

Oh, he’s the one that Dean asked to look him over when he brought him here. Castiel smiles and slides off Dean’s lap, much to the man’s chagrin if the pout is anything to go by. 

“In here, Sammy.” Dean calls, not standing up. 

There are footsteps coming towards the living room and a moment later a tall man with shoulder-length hair comes into view. He’s holding two large bags of something that smells a lot like Chinese take-out and it makes Castiel’s stomach grumble quietly. Sam’s eyes widen upon seeing Castiel standing in the middle of his living room. 

“Oh,” Sam says, looking between Castiel and his brother, then back to Castiel. “I didn’t realize you had company.” Sam smiles and moves both bags into the same hand and stretches the free one to Castiel, taking a few more steps into the room. “I’m Sam.”

Castiel smiles and takes the proffered hand. “I’m Castiel, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Sam. I wanted to thank you for looking me over the other day." 

Sam doesn't say anything immediately and Castiel is momentarily worried he said something wrong. Sam's eyes flick to Dean for a fraction of a second before turning back to Castiel with a smile. "It wasn't a problem. Are you feeling better now, nothing out of the ordinary?"

"No, I'm okay now. Thank you."

Dean startles both men when he claps his hands loudly together. Castiel looks back to see Dean standing behind him. "Alright, how about some dinner? That smells amazing." 

"It's a good thing I bought enough for a small army since Dean eats too much." Dean gives a mock insulted ‘Hey’ and Sam chuckles. "I hope you like Chinese, Cas." 

"I do." Castiel reassures even though he's pretty sure it was a rhetorical question. Dean puts a hand on his lower back and leads him into the kitchen behind Sam. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ... I'm alive! Sorry about the long wait for this new chapter, but college life is hectic. I'm gonna be honest cause I don't want you guys to get your hopes up, but you should expect a chapter only once a month until summer comes back around. Just know I'm not abandoning this work! I will return. That being said, I hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you all for reading, leaving kudos, and commenting, it means the world!

Dinner at the Winchester household went much better than Castiel expected it to. There were no awkward silences, much to Castiel’s immense surprise. He and Sam had gotten along great. They even teamed up once on Dean who claimed mutiny and only made Sam and Castiel burst into laughter. The twinkle in Dean’s eyes told Castiel that he hadn’t minded at all. 

Castiel smiles at the memory. Last night had been the most fun he’s had in a long time.

Now he’s sitting in class, chin resting in his palm as he stares off into space, not bothering to listen as Professor Singer drones on about Zeus being a fuckboy. Typically, this topic would fascinate Castiel endlessly; he's always adored Greek mythology. But right now, all he can focus on is the memory of Dean's, very thorough, goodbye kiss in his Impala when he dropped him off at home. 

When he walked inside, he must have had a dazed look in his eyes because Michael was relentless in his teasing. 

Apparently like he does right now.

"Hey, ground control to Major Tom." A feminine voice says, snapping him out of his daze. He blinks a few times, actually seeing what he's staring at now, and sees Meg looking at him smugly. "Was he really that good of a lay?" 

Castiel feels his cheeks heat up and he narrows his eyes, wishing he could go back to his daydream. "I wasn't thinking about that." 

"Yeah, and I hate thinking about Chris Hemsworth's muscles." 

Castiel rolls his eyes and he feels his phone buzz in his pocket. Wondering who it could be, he opens digs it out and opens it.

**From: Balthazar [February 18th 3:12 pm]**

**I still haven't forgiven you for losing me 50 dollars, Cassie. You owe me a drink tonight. There’s a club that just opened in town and I’d fancy checking it out. It’s called Angeles**

Castiel rolls his eyes and puts his phone back in his pocket. He’ll take his brother out, but only to keep him off his back. He can’t afford to lose time studying because his brother is a sore loser. 

He sits there for a moment, debating. Should he answer his brother or make him wait?

Before he can decide, Balthazar messages him again.

**From: Balthazar [February 18th 3:14 pm]**

**Don’t ignore me, Cassie. I can tell when you read my messages, you know!**

Castiel smiles to himself. He thinks he'll let Balthazar stew in his impatience. 

"That him?" Meg asks, trying to sneak a peek at his phone. 

Castiel promptly turns the screen off. "No, it was Balthazar. He wants me to take him to a new club tonight for losing him fifty dollars." 

Meg hums. "The one that opened next to Togi's?" Castiel nods. Meg pops the gum she's chewing. "You know, I heard Inias is working there." 

His thoughts freeze for a moment to absorb that information fully. That means he's gonna have to awkwardly avoid him the whole night because there's no way Balthazar is letting Castiel get away from taking him to the club. 

Castiel sighs and focuses back on the board where Mr. Singer is talking. "I'll be fine." He murmurs, but it sounds as if he's trying to reassure himself of that fact than Meg. 

Meg watches him. They're both silent for a few minutes before she breaks the silence. "You know, you can tell him you're in a relationship." 

"You really think that'll deter him?" 

Meg hums again but says nothing.

**✦ ** **✧** **✦**

Dean petulantly slams the front door behind himself as he leaves the apartment, knowing full well that Sam was following right behind him. Sue him for being rude, but he needed just _ one _ measly second reprieve from his brother’s bitching.

And one second he gets.

The door is torn open by an enraged sasquatch the next second. “Very mature, Dean.” 

“Oh, like you’re the definition of maturity.” Dean rolls his eyes and slides into the driver’s seat of his Impala. 

Sam is hot on his heels, getting in the passenger side before Dean can even shut his door. “I’m being a hell of a lot more mature than you in this moment.” 

"Bite me, Sam."

"Why don't you leave that to Cas, since, oh! You're fucking him and haven't told him what we do! Not to mention you didn't tell me either." 

"I didn't tell you because I knew this is exactly the reaction I would get, and I'm gonna tell him. It isn't something you can just blurt out, Sammy. What do you want me to do, go up to him and say, 'Hi, I love you and I'm a serial killer. Wanna come with my brother and I and burn the world?" 

"Dean, this is serious," Sam growls out.

"I know it is, that's why I'm doing it the way I am!" Dean says, smacking his palm on the steering wheel like it'll help get his point across.

"And what if you tell him later when he's fallen in love with you but instead of joining you, he's scared shitless? You're gonna break both of your hearts in the process." 

"Did you hear a thing I said?" Dean spits, getting annoyed. "He would be scared shitless if I asked him right off the bat. This is something he needs to be eased into. I know he'll do it, he has the potential, but he needs _ time _ , Sam. Now _ drop it _." 

Sam throws his hands in the air, blissfully falling silent. Dean mimics his brother's motion in mockery before he starts up the Impala and pulls out onto the road. He makes his way to the university. Not because he wants to see Cas (well, he does, but that isn't the point), but because the murderer they're chasing seems to be operating on this campus. 

They're sitting in one of the parking lots. It has a clear shot of the quad. Everyone should pass through here at one point. 

They aren't expecting to catch the killer in the act. Not in the day, and especially not in the most crowded part of the university. Right now, they’re just looking for any kind of suspicious activity. 

Dean scans the area, watching students, faculty, and staff alike walk around. All of them bundled up in their winter gear. Awhile goes by and nothing of importance happens, which isn’t a surprise. Then he sees a familiar head of dark brown hair. He smiles to himself seeing Cas. Even from this distance, he looks good with his cheeks flushed from the cold.

A woman comes up beside him a moment later and threads her arm through Cas’. She has hair the same color as Cas’ and she’s quite a bit shorter than him. Something ugly twists in his gut and his fingers twitch. He doesn’t want anyone touching what’s his, but Cas doesn’t seem bothered by her presence. Perhaps she’s a friend. He bites his lip to stop himself from going over there and surprising Cas with his presence just to get her away from him.

The pair stops suddenly and look back. A man is jogging up to them with a large smile plastered on his face. Dean immediately doesn’t like him. He also has dark hair, but he’s a similar height to Cas. He’s thin, almost on the side of too thin. His hat has a pompom on top like you usually see on a child’s. 

The man talks with the pair, or, more like, Cas, for a minute. After what seems to be a moment of silence, and a lot of awkward shuffling on Cas’ part, the man reaches out and lightly trails his hand down Cas’ arm. Dean nearly loses it. He has his door half-open, ready to kill the kid, but Sam bodily throws himself over Dean. His little brother grapples for the door, and when he gets it, yanks it shut.

Dean seethes and glares at Sam. "What the hell, Sam?!" 

Sam is giving a deadly glare right back. "You are not going to go traumatize that kid because you're jealous. Cas is handling it. Let it go." Sam points to the scene and Dean happily looks back. Cas is shaking his head, looking incredibly awkward. The man frowns but smiles soon after and says something. He winks at Cas before leaving with a wave.

Dean still wants to choke the man. "People never just ‘let it go’. By the looks of it, he's been going after Cas for a while now. It needs to stop." 

"You don’t know that, Dean. Besides, are you that scared Cas is gonna leave you that you have to scare off all the competition?" 

Dean growls, not taking his eyes off his angel, wanting to be ready if the asshole comes back. "No, I just don't want people being grabby with him when he doesn't want it. He doesn't deserve to be molested by that creep." 

“He wasn’t molested, Dean.” Sam sighs in exasperation. “Maybe he was with his eyes, yeah, okay, but that isn’t hurting Cas.” Dean takes a second to glare at his brother before looking back at Cas. The pair are walking again. “See, he’s fine.”

Dean blows a hard gust of air out of his nose in annoyance. Reaching into his pocket, he pulls his pack of cigarettes out. He can _ hear _ Sam roll his eyes. Just to annoy Sam, he lights it and takes a deep pull, blowing it out before he cracks the window to release the smoke.

“Do you have to do that while I’m in the car?” Sam groans.

Dean smirks internally, gleefully taking another pull as he basks in his brother’s annoyance. “You’re always in the car.”

**✦ ** **✧** **✦**

It’s 8:00 when Michael finally gets home. 

Castiel is sitting in the dining room, his dinner plate pushed to the side and his school work is spread across the table. Castiel looks up when he hears his brother’s car. A moment later, the front door opens. 

“Cas, I’m home.” Michael calls from the foyer. 

“Dinner is in the microwave.” Castiel calls back before dropping his gaze back to his work. He bites the inside of his bottom lip and looks at his watch. He’s supposed to leave to take Balthazar to Angeles’ in a half an hour. He needs to get ready.

The soft clicking of a plate being set on the table brings Castiel out of his thoughts. A body gracefully sits at the opposite end of the dining table and he looks up to see Michael. He’s still in his suit, his tie flipped over his shoulder so it won’t get dirty as he eats.

“Thank you for making dinner, Cas.” 

“Of course.” 

They settle into a comfortable silence after that. Castiel twists his lips and bites his pen. He glances at his watch again. 8:05. He sighs to himself and begins packing his stuff away.

“I’m taking Balthazar to the new club that’s opened beside Togi’s.” Castiel says into the silence, not looking at Michael. He isn’t sure how he’s gonna react since the last time he went to a club it ended up with him going missing. “He said it’s called Angeles.” 

“Yes, I heard about that place.” Michael’s voice is quiet. When all his things are packed away, he doesn’t have a reason to avoid his brother’s stare any longer, so he looks up. “Do you want to go, or has Balthazar bullied you into it?” He asks with a knowing lift of his brow.

Castiel sighs louder this time and gets up. “It’s alright. I figure that doing this is the easiest way for all of us. If I didn’t do this then I would never hear the end of it. And if I came to you to tell you about this I would still never hear the end of it.” 

He can hear Balthazar now. ‘I can’t believe you tattled on me to Michael, Cassie. I thought you trusted me more than that. Blah, blah, blah.’ 

It would be insufferable. 

Castiel grabs his backpack and slings it over his shoulder. “I’ll be back, at the very least, around 11 tonight. I’ll be sure to text you if anything comes up.” 

“I trust you,” Michael says and spears a meatball. “It’s Balthazar I worry about.”

Castiel smiles and leaves the dining room. “I’ll watch over him.”

**✦ ** **✧** **✦**

Walking into this club is very similar to the one on Gabriel’s birthday. Crowded, hot, and smoky. Balthazar immediately drags him over to the bar and they sit down. Castiel has to squeeze into his seat between a very large man and a touchy-feely woman. It’s unpleasant already.

“Are you ready to have some fun, Cassie?” Balthazar asks as he waves down the bartender. Castiel notices it’s a woman and relief floods through him. It’s not Inias.

“Are we talking about your definition of fun or mine?”

Balthazar rolls his eyes. “You don’t know what you’re missing, darling. You need to let loose a little.Go do a little necking, drink too much, and dance like nobody’s watching.” Balthazar encourages whole-heartedly and claps him on the shoulder. He doesn’t wait for him to respond before he’s leaning over the bar with a lascivious smirk at the bartender. She looks less than impressed but smiles nonetheless. 

“What can I get you both.” She asks.

“I’ll have a margarita,” Balthazar says.

“I’ll have a Bloody Mary, please.” 

“Coming right up.”

When she goes to make their drinks, Balthazar turns to him with a surprised look. Castiel narrows his eyes. “What?”

“You, Mr. Never-drinks-a-sip, is getting alcohol?” 

“Yes,” Castiel rolls his eyes. It isn’t like he’s never had a drink before. Besides, he isn’t planning on drinking much. He’ll be perfectly fine to drive them home by the time they leave. “I’m going to need a little something if I want to get through tonight.”

Their drinks slide in front of them a moment later, accompanied by a more masculine voice. “Here you two go.” 

Castiel freezes. He doesn’t have to look to know who that voice belongs to. He was really hoping he wouldn’t run into him tonight. He looks over and takes his Bloody Mary with a polite, “Thank you, Inias.” before downing his entire drink. Screw not getting drunk. He isn’t going to make it if he has to deal with this man as well as his brother and the other rowdy patrons. When it’s gone, he places the glass on the counter. Balthazar is looking at him like he’s grown another head, but Cas doesn’t let him speak before he talks. “I’ll have a White Russian this time, please.”

Inias is laughing while he goes to make his order. Balthazar is still staring at him like he’s some mythical beast and it’s starting to make Castiel’s skin prickle. He’s feeling irritable, but he doesn’t want to snap at his brother.

“Castiel, you don’t have to be here with me if you don’t want to. You know that, right?” Balthazar says it so earnestly that the itch under his skin goes away and he sighs. 

“Yes, I know, Balt.” He smiles at his brother, trying to appease him. “I wasn’t expecting to see Inias here. I thought I got lucky and he wasn’t working tonight.”

Balthazar’s eyes widen and he looks over at Inias before looking back and whispering, “That’s Inias? The boy that’s obsessed with you?” Castiel nods. “Oh, Cassie,” His brother bites his lip. “I can look for a booth if you’d rather-” 

“It’s alright.” He cuts him off, not wanting him to worry. “I’m able to handle him. Go have fun.”

“Cas-”

“I’m fine, Balthazar.” He smiles to really sell it, but the look on his brother’s face tells him he isn’t buying it. He sighs. “If I need to be bailed out, I’ll come find you.” That seems to mollify him.

“Alright,” Balthazar scans the crowd before looking back at him. “Just, don’t go disappearing on me this time. I don’t want another heart attack.” He winks and leaves before Castiel can say anything. 

Inias is back a second later, sliding him his drink. “I didn’t know this was your kind of scene, Castiel.” 

“It’s not, usually.” He says cooly and takes a sip. 

“So, was that the boyfriend you told me about today?” Inias asks, grabbing a glass and pretending to clean it.

“No, that was my brother.” 

“Oh, good, that’s- I mean … how are you?” 

Castiel smiles politely. “Good. I’m going to my boyfriend’s place after this, so this will hopefully go by quickly.” 

Inias gives him a strained smile. “You two been together long? I didn’t think you were with anyone a week ago.”

“No, Dean and I got together not long ago, but I’m very happy with him.” Castiel can’t help but give a genuine smile thinking about Dean. 

Inias’ cheeks flush and he stares at him unabashedly. When he seems to realize what he’s doing, he clears his throat and drops his eyes to the glass. “I’m glad you’re happy.” He looks up with sad eyes, but he’s smiling. “He’s a real lucky man, and so are you.”

Castiel gives a gentle smile and someone calls for Inias to get them a drink. He frowns and looks back at Cas. “I’ll be back.” Then leaves. 

Castiel lets out a sigh and takes a large drink. Guilt is sitting heavy in his stomach, and he isn’t even sure why. It isn’t like he’s leading Inias on. He told him he’s with someone, so why does he feel so bad? He casually sips his drink until it’s gone as well. He hesitates getting another drink. Should he? No, but he’s starting to feel looser and the guilt is dulled now that he’s beginning to feel the effects of his drinks. Since he never drinks much, it doesn’t take much to get him feeling something. 

He orders a Mojito this time. 

Inias takes his time making his drink, trying to talk to him the whole time. Normally, Castiel wouldn’t mind talking to a bartender. But knowing Inias has a crush on him makes him feel like he’s giving the man false hope. Not to mention it brings his guilt back full force.

He pulls his phone out when he gets the brilliant idea to text Dean. When he does this, he sees the time and sighs dramatically. He’s only been here a little over a half an hour. 

**To: Dean [February 18th 9:02 pm]**

**Hello, Dean.**

**From: Dean [February 18th 9:03 pm]**

**missing me already, I see**

**To: Dean [February 18th 9:03 pm]**

**Yes, as a matter of fact. What are you doing at this current juncture in time?**

**From: Dean [February 18th 9:05 pm]**

**you just made me snort coffee, babe. This current juncture in time? Really?? I’m not doing anything important ‘at this current juncture in time’ why, you wanna do something?**

**To: Dean [February 18th 9:06 pm]**

**I was wondering if you would like to come to Angeles. **

**It’s a new club my brother dragged me into taking him to. **

**I’m bored out of my mind and the bartender keeps flirting with me and nothing I say seems to stop him. Please save me. **

**I may also be slightly inebriated and my phone is a little fuzzy**

**And I have to drive us home but I don’t think that’s a smart idea if I keep going like this**

He frowns, looking at his phone and the string of messages he just sent off to Dean. He looks over at his almost empty mojito and wonders if Dean has ever had one. He starts to text again but is cut off when it buzzes in his hand and scares the shit out of him.

**From: Dean [February 18th 9:06 pm]**

**I’ll be there in 5 minutes.**

True to his word, five minutes later, Dean comes sauntering into the club. He has his usual swagger in his posture, but the look in his eyes is steely. He meets Castiel’s gaze and his eyes soften a little, a smirk working at his lips as he makes his way over. Castiel’s vision is a little wobbly, but it’s nothing too bad. He can hear Inias still trying to talk to him, but he doesn’t have it in him to pay attention.

When Dean gets close, Inias stops talking and Dean cups the back of Castiel’s neck, kissing him hard. Castiel gasps and pushes into the greeting with a quiet whine in the back of his throat. Dean’s hand tightens on the back of his neck. Nipping his bottom lip, Dean pulls back with a wicked grin. 

“Hey, sweetheart.” His eyes scan over him and he gently brushes his finger over Castiel’s cheek. Castiel smiles, closing his eyes and leaning into his touch. It makes Dean chuckle. “Someone’s extra affectionate when they’re ‘slightly inebriated’.” 

Castiel smiles and looks at him. “Hello, Dean.” 

“Hey,” Dean repeats his greeting with a fond smile before leaning in and kissing him more softly. He pulls back and glances at the bar, Castiel follows his line of sight. Inias isn’t there anymore and the realization of what just happened in front of him makes the guilt clench his heart. He just kissed Dean in front of him. He may have been the one to ask Dean here, but he didn’t want to hurt Inias. Hopefully he isn’t too upset about it. He can apologize the next time he sees him if he is. 

“Hey, Cas, you alright?” Dean’s worried voice brings him back out of his thoughts. He looks over at his boyfriend and sees the concern in his eyes. “How much did you have to drink?”

Castiel shakes his head. “Not much, I had a …” He has to think about what his first drink was for a moment. “Oh, a Bloody Mary, a White Russian- did you know I’m part Russian?”

Dean chuckles. “No, but I do now.” His thumb brushes gently over Castiel’s knee. When did that get there? Castiel reaches down, grabbing his hand and threading their fingers together before continuing. 

“And a mojito. Have you ever had a mojito, Dean?” 

“I don’t think I have, can I try it?” Dean asks, going to grab the drink without waiting. He downs the rest of it and Castiel feels a pout twist his features. Dean puts the glass down and gives a slightly impressed face. “Not bad.” He looks back at him and bursts into laughter. Castiel’s pout deepens. “Aw, man, Cas, you look like I just stole candy from a baby.” 

“I wanted more.” Castiel mumbles, grabbing the glass and looking into it like more will just show up. 

Dean chuckles some more, gently taking the glass and putting it further away. He then grabs Castiel’s chin and pulls himself in to kiss him. “I think you’ve had enough for tonight,” Dean says against his lips and sits on a stool behind him after one more kiss. “You’ll thank me in the morning.” 

“I’m not thanking you now,” Castiel says petulantly.

“How about I buy you a Pepsi? Would that alleviate my crime a little?” Dean asks giving him a dazzling smile. Castiel nods. Dean waves down a bartender and Castiel glances to see it’s Inias. Dean smiles at Inias when he gets close, but it’s all teeth. Castiel can’t help but think but compare it to a wolf baring its fangs and it makes a little shiver trail down his spine. “I’ll have a can of Pepsi for my boyfriend.” 

“Of course,” Inias swallows thickly and retrieves the can of soda, sliding it to Castiel after opening it. “Will that be all?” 

Dean mulls it over, tilting his head to the side and humming. “No,” He puts his hand on Castiel’s knee again. “I think I’ll have some whiskey.” Inias nods, grabbing the glass and bottle of whiskey. He places it on the counter and starts pouring it. “You know,” Dean hums looking at the bartender with, what even Castiel can tell in his drunken state is, false politeness. “You look awfully familiar.” 

Inias swallows again. “I- uh- I don’t know. I’m sorry, I haven't seen you before.”

“Ah, it’s not a big deal.” Dean spreads his legs so his knee is brushing up against Castiel’s. It’s very distracting. “What’s your name? I’m Dean.” 

“Inias,” He says hesitantly.

“Inias, unusual name.” Dean chuckles looking at Castiel. “Kinda like Castiel.” He leans in and claims Castiel’s lips in a slow, passionate kiss. He guides his tongue into his mouth and Castiel lets him, uncaring about consequences right now. He knows, logically, it’s rude since Dean is in a conversation with Inias and the man can’t leave without looking rude himself. Dean pulls back a minute later and grins devilishly at him before turning his attention back to the blushing bartender. “Inias.” Dean’s eyes seem to shift a little, turning a little colder. “I’ll remember that.” 

Inias’ eyes widen and he nods, quickly leaving the pair. 

Castiel narrows his eyes and turns back to Dean. Dean is watching Inias for a second longer before looking at him again. When he sees him staring at him, he puts on an innocent face. “What?”

“Did you do that on purpose?”

Dean opens his mouth to say something, but Castiel arches a brow. Dean closes his mouth and then chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. “What can I say? I wanted him to know you were taken.” 

Castiel hums, looking him over. He’s not gonna lie, Dean staking his claim on him like that was kind of hot. Castiel licks his bottom lip and pulls it gently between his teeth. The effect it has on Dean is amazing. Watching his pupils dilate and the man licks his own lips, eyes darting to Castiel’s, which is now released from his teeth. 

Just as it looks like Dean is about to devour him, an arm is slung over his shoulders and he’s pulled into someone’s side. Castiel knows immediately that it’s Balthazar. 

“Ahh, Cassie, great to see you again.” He isn’t looking at Castiel when he says this. His eyes are glued to Dean. “And who is this ruggishly handsome lad staring at my highly inebriated baby brother?”

The look on Dean’s face can be described as nothing other than poorly concealed irritation. But he smiles anyway, holding out his hand. “Name’s Dean. I’m Cas’ boyfriend.”

Balthazar’s whole demeanor changes in an instant. “Well shit.” He murmurs inelegantly, which is strange for his brother. He takes Dean’s hand laughing. “Cassie, you didn’t tell me you scored yourself a male model. You’ve been holding out on me.”

Castiel rolls his eyes, not saying anything. He’s not in the mood to deal with his brother right now. In fact, he would much rather curl up in Dean’s arms in bed and fall asleep. He seems to have lost the last of his energy for today. Perhaps Balthazar would be okay with getting a cab home. Or he can call Gabriel. Or Luke if he’s willing to get his ear chewed off. Or Michael if he wants the other ear chewed off. 

Castiel chuckles at his thoughts. It starts as giggling and slowly devolves into full-blown laughter. He doesn’t even know why he’s laughing, but it feels really good to be so happy. He doesn’t notice the pair staring at him with twin looks of confusion until his laughter dies a minute or two later. 

Dean stands up. “And I think that’s my cue.” Balthazar doesn’t even argue, just stares at Castiel slightly amused. “I’ll take him home, you good getting a cab?” 

“Sure, just make sure he doesn’t choke on his own vomit, please. I don’t want to be held reliable.” Balthazar winks and pats Castiel’s back. “This isn’t how I planned tonight going, but I’m not the least bit angry. I’ll message Michael for you, Cassie. Now get out of here.” 

Dean wraps his arm around Castiel’s waist and makes him stand. Castiel makes a noise of surprise and stumbles into Dean’s broad chest. “Come on, Angel, let’s get you to bed.” 

For whatever reason, that sends Castiel into another fit of hysterics. His laughter must be contagious because it even has Dean laughing. Dean stops by the door and dresses Castiel in his winter clothes he hung up, still giggling like a schoolgirl. By the time they get to Dean's car, Castiel is leaning heavily on him. Dean adjusts his grip on him, to open the door. 

"In you go, chuckles," Dean says, his breath tickling over his ear. Getting drunk isn’t so bad if he can have Dean taking care of him like this. 

Castiel is placed on the passenger side seat and his head falls back to lay atop the bench seat. Dean shuts his door and gets in the other side, Castiel lazily following his movement around the car. When the car is started and they start moving, he finds himself grinning again. 

"You have really pretty eyes." Castiel blurts. 

Dean looks over at him with a wide grin. "Right back atcha, sweetheart." 

Castiel hums, closing his eyes. "Can I sleep yet?" 

Dean's soft chuckle fills the car and Castiel feels him put his hand on his knee, his thumb rubs soothingly over his pants. They’re so close that their thighs are pressed together. Castiel feels warm and safe, it’s making him more tired. 

“Go ahead,” Dean says, keeping his voice quiet. “I’ll take care of you.”

Castiel thanks him, or at least he thinks he does. He slowly tilts to the side, and eventually his head rests on Dean’s shoulder. When that happens, he’s out within a few minutes, feeling really cozy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! The ending scene is really what kept me from posting for so long, I just couldn't form it into words xD so if it's bad, well, I tried. Also, I genuinely can’t remember if I ever mentioned what Dean said his job was. If I did, feel free to tell me! Feel free to tell me about spelling/grammar issues too because I posted this immediately after finishing it because I have no idea when I'm gonna get around to editing it!
> 
> Another chapter will be up sooner or later. Thank you all for the support you've given me so far!

With all five of his siblings in Michael's kitchen, it sounds like a circus. Its Sunday dinner, which only means one thing. Dean is going to meet all his brothers. Yes, he's already met two, but those aren't the two he's worried about. Michael and Luke are the ones Castiel is nervous about Dean meeting his brothers.

Castiel is in charge of cooking with Gabriel, like always. Michael is on dish duty, and Balthazar and Luke are on prep. It wouldn't be so bad if Gabriel and Balthazar wouldn't make a mess.

Gabriel likes to call it organized chaos. Castiel calls it madness. 

Castiel is nervous, his heart is thumping wildly at all the possibilities of how tonight will go. Thinking about how all his siblings will react to Dean, Castiel finds himself wishing Anna was here. She would have loved Dean. He cuts a piece of chicken a little harder than necessary. 

Instead of allowing himself to dwell on what could be, he stops thinking and just focuses on cooking. It's what his therapist told him to do when he started to feel overwhelmed. He may not be feeling overwhelmed right now, but he wants to avoid any attacks today. 

It's an hour later when he hears the rumble of the Impala and his nerves come back. But this time they're accompanied by giddiness at the thought of seeing Dean again. It's been a few days since he last saw him. Dean said he was really busy with work and he'd make it up to him later. He's still waiting for that later to come, but he knows Dean will keep his word.

When there's a knock on the door, Castiel jumps to answer it before anyone else can. Unfortunately, his brothers seem to have been planning this happening because Gabriel and Balthazar both grab Castiel. 

"What are you doing?" Castiel protests, trying to get out of his brothers' hold. 

"Mikey wants to be the one to answer the door." Gabriel shrugs.

"So you just go along with him?" 

"No, love, he paid us 20 each," Balthazar smirks.

Castiel narrows his eyes and glares at both men. "You're both cheap." 

His attention is taken away from them when he hears the door opening. He can hear Michael greeting Dean. Balthazar and Gabriel distract him though.

"Let's get all the food on the table." 

Castiel frowns and glares at his brothers, but he's sure Dean will be okay. They grab the food and move it to the center of the table. Michael, Luke, and Dean come in not long after that and Castiel smiles at Dean, hoping to give him a little comfort. The smile he receives is enough to put his nerves at ease for now.

“How was the drive over?” Castiel asks, walking over beside him.

“It wasn’t bad,” Dean says and puts his hand on the small of Castiel’s back, smiling down at him. 

Michael clears his throat to get everyone’s attention. Also to break Castiel and Dean apart, Castiel is sure. “Please, everyone have a seat.” They all go into the dining room and claim their seats, Castiel making sure he’s beside Dean. “So, Dean,” Michael begins his interrogation earlier than Castiel anticipated and his stomach clenches uncomfortably. “Cas never said what you do for a living.” 

Dean smiles and swallows the food in his mouth before speaking. “I’m a freelance mechanic.”

Balthazar furrows his brows. “What does that mean? You’re a traveling mechanic?” 

Dean nods taking a drink. “Yeah, basically.”

“So that means you don’t stay in an area long?” Luke asks.

“I haven’t had a reason to try staying until now.” 

“Aww, well isn’t that just the cutest.” Gabriel teases.

“How long have you been a freelance mechanic?” Michael asks.

“Professionally? Ever since I was seventeen.”

“How long might that be?” Michael sounds nonchalant, but Castiel knows what he’s doing.

“Michael,” Castiel says, disapprovingly. 

“It’s alright, Cas.” Dean smiles and puts his hand on his knee and squeezes it reassuringly. “I’m 31 if that’s what you were phishing for. What is it you do?” Dean asks Michael.

“I work for the FBI.” His oldest brother says with an air of nonchalance, but Castiel knows his brother too well to know that that’s what it actually is. He’s going to use this as a scare tactic. He can just feel it in his gut. He groans internally and eats his food.

Dean looks impressed and smiles again. “What’s that like?” 

“It’s very rewarding when we catch the bad guy.” Michael stabs a piece of chicken. “And I’m very good at my job, so I get rewarded a lot.” 

Dean chuckles. “If you get rewarded so much, doesn’t it lose its luster? It starts to become expected at a certain point. Then when a case comes around that you can’t crack, it would get under your skin and work you up. You wouldn’t be able to focus, right?” Castiel glances at Dean, finding him cutting a piece of chicken and popping it into his mouth with a hum. “This is really good, who cooked it?” He asks with a quick glance around the table.

“That would be our dear Cassie.” Balthazar grins and takes a sip of his wine. 

“He’s always been the best chef in the family. I, on the other hand, am that best baker.” Gabriel winks. 

Dean grins and looks at Castiel. “Well, you did a great job, Cas.” 

Warmth flushes his face and he drops his eyes to his plate. “Thank you.” Dean chuckles and squeezes his knee again. It isn’t like he doesn’t get compliments from his brothers about his cooking all the time, but it’s different coming from Dean. It makes him feel giddy and proud of himself. He brings his eyes back up and thins his lips when he sees Michael. If looks could kill, Dean would be dead.

“I don’t let it get the better of me,” Michael says, bringing them back to the topic before, clearly not wanting to let Dean get the best of him. “There are cases that appear to be a lost cause, but they’re never _ truly _ lost. You simply aren’t looking in the correct place.”

Castiel shifts in his seat. There’s a tenseness in the air that he wishes would go away. He was hoping this would go a lot better than it is. Even Balthazar clears his throat, and he’s usually indifferent to uncomfortable situations. 

“You seem to have quite an opinion on the matter,” Luke observes, leaving his speculation hanging for Dean to fill in, which he does. 

“My dad, he was a police officer. He was good, really good, like you say you are, but even he had cases that drove him up a wall.” 

“Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I think I have the best job here.” Gabriel jumps in and Castiel could kiss his brother for trying to change the topic. “I get to deal with pastries all day and I come home smelling like coffee and sweets. What more could anyone want?” 

Dean chuckles. “That does sound pretty good.” 

"So, Dean," Lucifer starts this time and Castiel tenses again. "What's your family like?" 

"Small, it's just my brother and I." 

Luke hums, watching him for a moment before taking a bite. Gabriel seems to jump at the opportunity to speak after Luke doesn’t respond immediately. “Luke, how’s Lilith? Still up your ass at work?” 

Luke snaps a glare at Gabriel. “I don’t want to speak of her.” 

Castiel reaches under the table and puts his hand over Dean’s on his knee while he watches Michael. His brother is observing Dean with an impassive stare. When Dean turns his eyes to Michael, his brother doesn’t look away immediately. Only after a few seconds, does he look away. Things begin taking on a more light-hearted nature after that. Castiel will have to remember to thank Gabriel later. 

The night goes by quickly with Balthazar and Gabriel taking the lead in the conversation. When dinner is over, Castiel walks Dean to the door and the older man turns to him when they reach it. 

Castiel sighs, looking at Dean. “I’m sorry about Michael and Luke.”

Dean chuckles, brushing his knuckles over Castiel’s cheek. “I’ve faced worse. Besides, it was worth it for you.” 

A smile twitches at Castiel’s lips. “Thank you for coming tonight. It really does mean a lot to me.”

“It’s the least I could do. You met Sammy, after all.”

Castiel chuckles, dropping his chin to his chest and shaking his head. “Sam was very nice. He didn’t put me through anything like my brothers did to you.” 

Dean leans down, kissing him gently. “I should go before your brothers come and throw me out.” He kisses him again, this time, Castiel follows when he tries pulling away. Dean chuckles, giving him one last kiss.

“Text me when you get home,” Castiel says against his lips before stepping back. 

Castiel takes a deep breath and goes back to the kitchen when the Impala drives out of sight. His siblings are eerily silent as they clean up the meal. Not wanting to know why they’re all quiet, he begins helping. 

“So,” Gabriel says with an air of nonchalance. “That went well.” 

“Castiel,” Michael says, ignoring Gabriel and turning around. He leans against the counter. Castiel’s stomach flips and he looks at his brother. Michael doesn’t speak right away, and that makes it worse. That means he’s trying to think of a way to say this without hurting Castiel’s feelings. It’s something he used to do when Castiel first went to therapy. 

Michael opens his mouth, pauses, then continues, “Dean seems like a very interesting individual, and perhaps you two would be good friends, but don’t you think that he’s a little too old for you?”

Castiel bites the inside of his cheek and clenches and unclenches his hands. He drops his eyes to the plate in his hands that he’s washing. He runs the cloth over it in circles. “Is his age the only thing you don’t like about him?” He asks quietly.

Michael is silent and that only spells bad. Luke speaks up. “I think that what Michael is trying to say is that you might get along better with someone around your own age. Ten years is a big difference and might cause you issues down the line.” 

“I would feel better if you would consider dating someone else,” Michael says.

Castiel stops washing the plate and looks up, his heart is in his throat. They stare at each other for what feels like an eternity. You could hear a pin drop. What does he say to that? He wanted his brothers to be supportive of his first boyfriend. “I don’t … I really like him.” 

Michael frowns and rubs the back of his neck. “Cassie,” The nickname stings. He only used that nickname when he was younger and now only uses it when he wants to lessen the blow. “I know you wanted us to get along, but there’s something about Dean that …” he sighs and rubs his face. “It just doesn’t sit right with me.”

Castiel clears his throat and licks his lips. “I have some homework that I need to do.” He sets the plate down and dries his hands, making his leave. 

When he’s walking up the stairs, he can hear Balthazar say, “Did you two have to break his heart like that? Dean is his first real boyfriend, and he seems like he genuinely cares about him. You should be happy for him.” 

He doesn’t stick around to hear his other brothers’ replies and he closes himself in his room.

Castiel’s nails dig into his palms. He was so sure his brothers would like Dean. Why wouldn’t they? He’s kind and treats him right, but they don’t like him simply because he’s ‘too old’ for him? Do they just not care about how he feels? Do they not want him to be happy?

No, no that isn’t right. He shouldn’t let himself sink into that mindset again. 

But why? Is Castiel not good enough? Doesn’t he deserve to find happiness?

_ “Oh, Cassie,” Anna’s words ring in his ears at the memory. “They love you. More than you could imagine.” She says, holding him to her chest and stroking his unkempt hair. “We all do. They only want what’s best for you.” _

Castiel feels tears sting the back of his throat, desperately longing for his sister’s calming touch. He always went to her if he started feeling unsteady like he wasn’t in control of himself. Especially after the car accident. She would calm him down. She was his rock. He only wishes he could have been the same for her. Wishing he saw how much she was hurting too.

He wants her here. He needs her to take control again.

_ “No, Castiel, you don’t. You want her, and that’s okay, but there’s a difference and you need to recognize this.” His therapist’s voice echoes in another memory. _

He can bring himself back, but he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t have the determination right now, and he doesn’t care enough to try. He’s been strong for so long, why is it bad to be weak for once.

Green eyes flash over his memory and his crying halts. Dean. Dean will help, won’t he? He did once when Castiel was at his place watching the movie. Maybe…

Digging his phone out of his pocket, he realizes there’s blood under his nails and on his palms. He frowns hard, but he ignores it for now. He pulls up Dean’s number and types out a message, pleading that he has his phone on him.

**To: Dean [February 23rd, 9:06 pm]**

**Are you busy?**

He doesn’t turn the screen off. He just stares at it with trembling hands and aching eyes.

**From: Dean [February 23rd, 9:08 pm]**

**I’m never busy for you sweetheart**

**To: Dean [February 23rd, 9:08 pm]**

**Will you come get me? Park down the street a little, please.**

**From: Dean [February 23rd, 9:09 pm]**

**What happened? I’ll be there in a second**

**To: Dean [February 23rd, 9:10 pm]**

**I just need you here.**

Castiel bites his lip, feeling extremely vulnerable. He pulls on a hoodie to fight winter’s chill and opens his window. He slides out and onto the roof of the porch below. Turning, he shuts his window. A bitter wind blows past him and rushes under his shirt. He shivers and tries drying his tears from his face, his fingers are already freezing. He carefully slides down the roof and lands, unceremoniously, in the snow. His fingers scream at him when they get covered in the cold powder. 

Winter sucks.

Trembling, he tucks his hand in his armpits and scurries into the shadows, away from his home. He doesn’t want Michael to see him leaving. Surely he would try to stop him. He begins walking down the street and after a second he sees a familiar black car. He smiles, in spite of himself and quickens his pace. 

When he gets close, Dean exits the muscle car and jog up to him. Worry is creasing his eyes. “Cas, geez, you look like you’re freezing. Why didn’t you dress warmer?” He scolds lightly and wraps his leather jacket around Castiel’s shoulders, guiding him to the passenger side and ushering him in. Dean gets in the driver's side a second later and is pulling Castiel into his side, trying to warm him up.

“I wasn’t outside for that long, Dean, I’m alright.” Cas leans further into him, despite his words. They remain like that for a while in blissful silence. Castiel relishes in the man’s touch grounding him. Dean is the one to break the silence a little while later, once Castiel has stopped shivering.

“You wanna talk about what happened?” He says quietly.

Castiel doesn’t answer immediately, trying to think of how he’s going to go about this. “I was thinking of my sister.” He takes a breath, holding his mouth open before closing it. Dean remains silent. Castiel slowly readjusts, bringing his legs up over Dean’s and leaning more heavily into his side. “I was thinking about dinner and how … how she would have loved to meet you. I-” 

Tears begin pricking behind his eyes again, but he clenches his jaw in an attempt to not cry. Dean’s hand rubs soothingly over his back and rests his head on top of his. He then brings his arm down and wraps tightly around his waist, his other hand resting atop his hands, thumb stroking his skin. 

“I always went to her when I felt … when I didn’t want to-” He thins his lips, not knowing how to explain it to Dean without sounding weird. When he didn't feel like himself? When he didn’t want to be in control of himself? When he felt guilty about the accident? Upset? Angry? When he felt dangerous? “I’m sorry.” Is all he whispers.

“Hey, it’s okay, sweetheart. I’m here. Whatever you need, I’m here.” Dean lifts his head and gently kisses his hair before resting his cheek on him again. They stay quiet for another moment before Dean softly says, “If it means anything, I would have loved to have met her too.”

Castiel can’t hold back the tears from spilling this time. 

It’s once his tears stopped, does he really think about all of this. He tries to see this from his brothers’ angle, but he can’t. Perhaps it’s because he has rose-colored goggles on and only sees good in Dean. Perhaps Michael and Luke are just being overprotective like usual. Gabriel and Balthazar didn’t have an issue with Dean, so that seems to be the most likely possibility. 

"Can I come to your place?" Castiel asks so quietly that he can barely hear himself over the rumble of the Impala. Dean doesn’t say anything immediately like Castiel was hoping and his stomach twists nervously. He pulls away a little to look at him. He’s looking at Castiel with a contemplative expression on his features. Castiel puts his hand on Dean’s chest and licks his lips in a nervous gesture. “Please.” 

Dean’s hand cards up through Castiel’s hair and cups the back of his head, pulling him in. Their lips brush together softly before Dean is pulling back, offering a gentle smile. “You’re always welcome to my place.” His thumb runs along the stubble on Castiel’s jaw, green eyes flickering to his lips and back up. “I just don’t want you making any decisions you’ll regret in the morning.”

“What would I regret?”

“Running out on your family and making them worry when they realize you’re missing,” Dean smirks, lightening the mood a little. “I know how you reacted last time, and if I can prevent that from happening again I’m gonna try.”

Castiel nods and his eyes trail down to Dean’s chest and linger there in thought. “Let them worry.” 

When Dean doesn’t respond again, Castiel looks up and meets his eyes. Dean kisses him once more before smiling. “Alright.”

**✦** **✧** **✦**

Warm water pounds down on him from Dean’s shower. After running outside in nothing more than a t-shirt and jeans, it feels good. Dean had insisted he take one to warm up. At first, Castiel objected because he just wanted to spend time with Dean and maybe fall asleep in his arms. Now Castiel is thankful for Dean’s insistence. 

Shutting off the water, he steps out of the shower. After a minute, he’s dried off and dressed in some of Dean’s clothes he let him borrow. Everything feels a lot better now that he’s had time to relax and think. Being at Dean’s apartment is calming. Sam is apparently working right now, so they have the place to themselves. Which is convenient considering what Castiel wants to do right now.

The living room is only lit by a lamp in the corner of the room when he walks out. Dean is sitting on the couch and scrolling through his phone. The moment Castiel enters the room, he looks up and his eyes roam over him. He smiles and puts his phone down.

“Feeling better?” 

“Yes, thank you for letting me use your shower,” Castiel says and makes his way over to him, but he doesn’t sit beside him. Instead, he places a knee beside Dean’s thigh and straddles him. His hands cup the sides of Dean’s neck, his fingers threading through the hair at the base of his head. 

“Course, I gotta take care of you since you don’t seem to be doing it. Running out in the cold dressed like you were.” His voice is a little huskier than before and his eyes flick to Castiel’s lips. He licks his lips at the attention and Dean does the same. 

“I want to try something,” Castiel whispers and leans in, nipping at his bottom lip. Dean hums, eyes hooded and staring at him with lust blown pupils. “Will you let me?”

Dean’s hands run up Castiel’s thighs and grip his hips tightly. He nips at Castiel’s lips and his words come out in a purr, “Anything for you, baby.” 

A shiver runs up his spine. He closes the rest of the space between them, connecting their lips. Dean lets him take the lead. Breaking away from Dean’s plush lips, he begins trailing kisses over his jaw and down his neck. Reaching his collarbone, Castiel begins sliding off his lap and onto the carpeted floor. When his knees connect with the floor, he pushes Dean’s legs to the sides, Dean letting them fall away easily, and he slots himself between them.

He runs his hands up Dean’s legs and thighs and rucks up Dean’s shirt so it’s out of the way. Blood is rushing in his ears and adrenaline is pumping through his veins as he shakily undoes the button and zipper of Dean’s jeans. The cotton boxers are tented where his hardening cock lays. His own pants begin to feel too tight and he has to shift to release some pressure.

Taking a steadying breath, he pulls Dean’s boxers down under his balls, his cock bouncing once it’s released from its confines. He hesitates when he comes face to face with Dean’s erect cock standing proudly. 

He wants to suck him off, but he’s never done it before. Sure Dean knows he’s never done this, but Castiel still wants it to be good for him. What if he’s terrible?

As if Dean can read his thoughts, he murmurs, “It’s alright, sweetheart, I’ll teach you. Just go slow.”

Castiel looks through his lashes. Dean is staring at him, pupils wide, mouth slightly open in a pant, eyes half-lidded watching him like he’s mesmerized. He’s the picture of bliss. His hand cards through Castiel’s hair, his touch is grounding and the way he twirls a lock of his hair is like he’s asking if he needs to back out.

Castiel licks his lips and dives in, taking it slow. He kisses the base of his cock and licks along the underside all the way to the tip. Above him, Dean hums in approval, his hand gripping his hair more tightly now but not pushing, simply there. A reassurance. Perhaps even saying ‘you’re mine now’ and not letting him go. His own cock pulses at the thought. He closes his eyes and wraps his mouth around the tip, slowly taking in as much as he can. 

“Just like that, sweetheart. You’re doing so good,” Dean says, letting out a sigh. Castiel’s eyes flutter open and takes in the man above him. His head is resting against the back of the couch, eyes closed, lip caught between his teeth, legs sagging to the sides, his body limp with pleasure. 

Scratch the last time, this is the epitome of bliss.

Knowing that Dean is enjoying what he’s doing so far spurs Castiel further. He begins bobbing his head, taking as much as he can, while jerking the rest of Dean’s cock, using his saliva as lube. Once or twice he goes too far and triggers his gag reflex, but he doesn’t stop. The noises he’s pulling from Dean is making his cock ache, but watching him let go like this is more gratifying than any orgasm he’s ever had. 

“Cas,” Dean grunts, face scrunching and fingers tightening their hold in his hair, his breathing turning shallow and heavier. Knowing Dean is about to come, he redoubles his efforts. Warm come spurts into his mouth making him choke. He pulls off before Dean’s finished and swallows the come in his mouth before coughing, more come landing on his cheek. 

Well, that certainly wasn’t as sexy as he was hoping it would be. 

Before he can speak, Dean is pulling him from the ground and into his lap, kissing him hotly. Cas grunts into the kiss but kisses back when he gets his bearings. Dean swipes his tongue over his lip and Castiel opens his mouth for him, his tongue delving in and exploring, tasting himself on him. Castiel moans, hips jerking.

“Fuck, Cas,” Dean moans and bites Castiel’s lip. “That was so fucking hot.” He moves to the side and licks the come from his cheek, making Cas gasp and grab fistfuls of Dean’s shirt.

The sound of the door opening startles Castiel. He pulls back and frantically wipes his face. Dean doesn’t seem to care though and tries kissing Castile’s neck to get him back in the program. When Sam steps into view, Castiel can only imagine the look on his face. Wide-eyed, face flushed, hair askew. A proper ‘deer caught in the headlights’ look. 

“Oh, ew,” Sam’s face scrunches and he groans, closing the door. “You guys, on our couch, really, Dean?”

Castiel’s cheeks burn, but Dean pays him no attention. Instead, he murmurs praises into Castiel’s skin, sucking marks on his neck as if to stake a claim. Typically Castiel wouldn’t allow this with someone else in the house, let alone in such close proximity that Sam is currently, but Dean’s talented mouth is making his thoughts flutter out of his head. He even tilts his head further to the side and allows him more access, encouraging him to continue. 

Realizing where Dean is taking this, Castiel finally comes back to his senses. He puts a hand on Dean’s chest and pulls back. Dean makes a discontent noise as he’s taken from his work on his neck. Castiel smiles at the petulant look that crosses his features. 

“We should stop,” Castiel says.

“Why?” Dean pouts, brows furrowing like he truly can’t comprehend the answer. Castiel simply arches a brow. “If this is about Sammy, I’ll kick him out.”

There’s a quiet, “Excuse me?” from the other room and Castiel has to bite his lips together to hide his smile. 

“No,” He shakes his head. “I wanted to do this for you. I don’t need that right now.”

Dean pulls him into a bruising kiss before whispering, “I’m gonna take you apart the next time we’re alone.” The promise searing into his skin, sealed by a kiss Dean plants a moment later where the words are spoken.

Castiel takes in a shuddering breath. Next time couldn’t come any sooner.


End file.
